Linux Security Claims Misleading says Bill Gates:

In a speech today before an auditorium full of computer-science students at the Manchester Institute of Technology, Bill Gates of Microsoft corp. propounded a stunning three-part argument demonstrating the new Windows Operating System will be far more secure than Linux. He also revealed an incredible industry blueprint which he says will virtually end piracy and hacking as we know it, and details of his new OS which have caught the industry completely by surprise.
Also on the podium was Bob Guccione, president of PornDoctors Without Borders:
Bill Gates continued by revealing stunning details of his new OS, codenamed 'LONGPORN':When asked about how exactly Microsoft could provide home users with a seamless and bug-free interface small enough to operate alongside a built-in server, he explained further:

When I worked for Compaq before the release of Windows95, Bill Gates made similar claims about that O/S and then they came out with OSR not too long afterwards and of course each O/S BG makes that claim with over another O/S has always proven the reverse was true, etc.

BG can sure impress the prep rally folks can't he?! Problem of course is there is no comparison between Microsoft and Linux that he can use for a gauge. Only time will tell if this is true with a format and rule of thumb that doesn't exist to run a test or poll to see if indeed the claims are true. And in the end when the countless problems that MS has with their new release will not suprise anyone as their track record to date already attests to the fact that they can't make anything secure. The speech was just so stock prices and the world attention would focus on Microsoft's new frankenstein and not affect the sales that are required to pay for the damage done by all the previous releases of products from Microsoft that have failed in the security department.

If you have been around since before Microsoft like me and many others you know that is called "grand standing".

When Microsoft becomes Open Source then they will be a threat.... to themselves of course because Linux is growing everyday despite every trick BG can come up with. It's simple economics. This is how Dell became number one. Linux will be number one no matter what anyone says or does because it has the advantage...

What is really amusing is when the OP puts up a tongue in cheek sendup, and some responders fail to notice...

Highlights of the Linux International Developers & Systems Managers Organization of Kentucky, Emergency Resource Service
(L.I.D. S.M.O.K.E.R.S)

Here follow notes from the hastily assembled emergency meeting yesterday, in response to Microsoft's Spring News Information Coverage K-series English Release
(S.N.I.C.K.E.R. 2005) regarding the new OS code-named, 'LongPorn'
and drafted resolutions:

Resolved:
(1) Open source developers must do everything possible to ease and speed up the switchover from Windows to Linux systems, including the following enhancements:

(2) All future Linux Distros will be fully automated and impossible to configure, and distributed on a non-bootable CD that requires either a previous version of Linux to be running, or else a serial number to be entered, acquired by mail-order.

(3) A Special pop-up window will be added to the Linux boot-up sequence, with a non-moving bar graph, and a message: "Linux system booting: please wait...".

(4) A large gaudy logo will be displayed for 30 seconds, in order to slow the boot down to a reasonable, easy-going speed.

(5) Several 'remote access' backdoors will be added to Linux to enable virus-testers to hone their trade and allow Linux users to purchase anti-virus software of their own.

(6) Thousands of outdated and unusable drivers for 3rd party hardware will be compiled onto four more Linux CDs, which the user will be prompted to insert during install.

(7) A random 'blue-screen' feature will be added to give Linux the fun 'surprise factor' look and feel of a real operating system.

(8) Hundreds of icons of pac-man and happy-faces will be integrated into the GUI and message systems, to delight and amuse the whole family.

(9) Thousands of DOS 3.3 programs will be recompiled and ported to add superfluous, dangerous commands to every user commandline, such as 'FORMAT' and 'XCOPY'.

(10) Weird and undocumented config and init files will be integrated into every module of the OS, to slow down hackers and remote attackers and prevent anyone from comprehending the mechanics of the system.

These modifications should ensure a large number of Windows users will flock to Linux before they are caught in .NETs and forced to ride 'LongPorn'.

I forgot to elaborate on my spout about MS and Windows 94. Yes, 94 is when it was supposed to have been released.

Anyway, at that time Bill Gates was stating something about other O/Ses current at that time when I was at Compaq. Bill Gates met with Eckhardt Pfeiffer and assured him that Windows 94 would be on time and the most secure innovative O/S to date. The news shocked the world as I remember correctly which means you can say just about anything to 'shock them'. And so BG stated some things about OS/2 and MacOS and stated how secure and stable Windows 94 is and then they couldn't produce the O/S on time so "Chicago" became Windows 95. Shortly after that the designation OSR2 became popular because of Sp1 for Windows 95, Support Pack One made OSR1 iffy. They, MS, decided not to rename the O/S version, so they augmented it with the letter "a" and so that is where the 'secure innovative Microsoft genius operating system' got it's A/B designations.

They claim alot but can't produce the claims in real life until many revisions. MS has been doing this for years. Ever since the blunder with MS-DOS 4 & 5 they have been playing this game of going out in public to do some 'grand stand publicity stunt' to draw people's attention away from some blunder they've made to some new claim they are spouting so they can regroup their R&D team and slander someone else's product.

Same old same old.

Microsoft is winning the same percentage of home users it always has sort of. If Linux can become just like MacOS then Linux will be a real contender. When I say "like MacOS" I mean when all the programmers start working together with the O/S release teams and make everything on a template that the programmers all agree on. When the compilers and the libraries for all things are included with every Linux O/S, etc. And then ./install is the common way to install everything since rpm if for RH and deb is for Debian and so on....

But BG saying Linux is wrong is a joke. They always say the other guy is wrong and then later they, MS, are eating crow as they say because the claims that MS is unsecure or unsafe comes to light by some accident or hack of a known MS site.

This thread isn't really a technical Linux Security question and is probably more suitable in General. Moving the thread there.

Are those quotes real? Are they out of context or something because they seem very bizarre?

No they are all fake. Honestly LONGPORN? PornDoctors? I can;t believe anyone would take this seriously.

Actually not so strange.
Apparently the version of Windows that will be available in Europe without the media player will be called Windows XP ProN.
The "N" standing for NO media player. Microsoft's first choice was for "reduced media edition". Don't know why that was axed.
Seriously, they produce volumes of data why the CPU, memory, process, screen resolution crippled version of XP is the greatest thing since sliced bread to other countries but if they are forced to change one small thing they tag it with a "this is cr**" name. What apparent BS.

lol...longporn
right. billy can keep talking all he wants i will never go back to windows as my primary. I love linux and have been using it for almost two months and no virus problems or malware. woot!

Thank God somebody noticed 'Porndoctors without Borders' .
I was beginning to think 'zombies' reading this thread were all 'Bots'!