I could never commit suicide no matter how depressed I get. Suicide is painful and it hurts those who love you. Some may even get angry at you for using suicide as a scapegoat.

I'm sure some of us had said, "I wish I were dead" when something was going bad in our lives.

On the other side, if a person is having mental issues or clinical depression, than it is a different story. I will not comment on that because I am no doctor or psychiatrist. But as others said already, get help ASAP before it's too late.

God bless you Thor and get well soon...

Billy, your statement indicates that you are not suicidal, because you still care ... about 'those that love you,' and about yourself. (Despite the theme-song from M*A*S*H*: "Suicide is Painless.")

In many cases, though, it is suspected that suicide comes from un-diagnosed clinical depression ... which is not the same as "something going bad in our lives." Rather, it is usually the case that something physical has gone awry. Hence, the person feels "thoughts that are utterly black," but it does not occur to his/her diseased brain that these thoughts are in part the result of disease. Hence, the disease feeds upon itself, and kills the host by the host's own hand.

There is one part of our bodies that we cannot "objectively think about," and that one part is our brain ... being "the thing that we think with."

It actually takes more of a "leap of faith" than you realize for someone who's in the middle of this horror ... to realize that his/her thoughts right now might not be their own ... and to reach out, apart from themselves, for help, even not-knowing quite what that help might be, nor that they can actually be (they can actually be!) helped.

But this "leap of faith" is what saves their lives.

Plenty of people who have escaped depression have, fortunately, written about their experiences on-line. They are horrible tales. But, even so, I wouldn't advise a depressed person someone who is suffering from the physical disease called "clinical depression" to wait ... for anything.

"You deserve to get your life back. Just, reach out. Once. You can 'get your life back.'" One step is really all that you have to take, but you have to take that one first step. It's not "you." It's a disease. A disease that can be diagnosed, treated, cured. And probably without "zombie drugs." (What if it really did turn out to be broccoli? What if the only thing holding you in this hell is that you haven't reached out yet?)

Lets be politically correct and call it a "leap of trust..."

Politically correct point, well taken.

The OP stated this.

"Inclined to mark the thread as solved "

So I said to "do or do not, there is no try"

My statements to him in before would have led you to find out that he needs to get up and get going towards help.

@ Billy@2015 - thanks...you replies and comment already did the trick. Reaching out sometimes IS the medicine. Overwhelming as life if (in good and sadly bad too) it helps to know you're not really alone...help... has been found, in a pretty unlikely corner...
looking at your Self (the true inner self that is) and embracing that...that is the unlikely corner...
I will get through this...I became my best friend. A friend that was so patiently waiting all the time that I now (finally) hold in my arms...
I see both sides, because I'm huggin that "other side" now

That's a relief to hear, Thor.

Anyone and everyone who faces this situation ... and, from time to time, in one way or another, most of us do ... needs to somehow keep these things in mind:

You are not alone. You're not the first person to have faced this, to have felt this way, to have experienced anything that you are going through. In fact, so many people do experience it, that there exists an entire block of people ... including those trained volunteers ... who have made a career out of helping people, and helping them through it.

"Do not 'Trust Your Feelings, Luke!'" In this case, "your feelings" are not automatically to be trusted. "Your feelings" are being affected. It isn't clear, especially to you, what is affecting them, and there are a great many things that it could be. But the first step is simply for it to occur to you that, "everything is not as it would seem." This isn't a concept that we're used to; not at all.

"You'd know it if you had a cold, but ..." Sometimes drastic changes in feelings can be triggered by a disease process, by a nutritional deficiency, or by an allergy. ("broccoli ...") There's nothing ... nothing like a runny nose ... to alert you to those things. Mental illnesses are real illnesses, and they can be effectively treated ... i-f the patient in question will seek help. "Will disbelieve some or all of what his/her mind is saying, and take a leap of faith."

Reach out. Most of all, you really can't deal with these things alone, because you are "stuck inside." You need someone who is on the outside: someone who is not affected by what is affecting you, and who is a trained and empathetic observer. The condition that you have, prevents you from looking at it ... or anything ... "objectively." (Furthermore, you may never have been ill in this way before, so you have little to compare it to.)

This is no "end of the line." You don't have to 'endure' this. That's the biggest lie of mental illness. Unfortunately, many people live with it for many years ... in misery. Maybe it never even occurs to them(!) to seek help. And that's (almost ...) the most tragic thing of all.

Lots of diseases can make you miserable, but mental illnesses are worst of all because of how they make you miserable. They lurk for years, undiagnosed because they're never recognized.

At this point, Thor, "I'm harping on this, not so much for you, but for the people in the Peanut Gallery." For the other people within the sound of my voice. The company of computer programmers and engineers frequently includes a high degree of mental illness ... and I don't mean "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps." Nope, I'm serious. Lots of people "within the sound of my voice" are vulnerable to this, and may even be experiencing it themselves. And don't know it, because "it never occurred to them."

A phone-call to a suicide prevention hotline (or other mental-health hotline) ... once you explain to them (immediately!!) that they don't have to talk you down from a bridge ... is an excellent way to find access to the resources that are available in your local area. Yes, these are the "triage" people, but they've got boatloads of experience and information, and access to even more. Most of all, you need someone [else ...] to talk to, and these people know how to see your situation from a different light and to get what you need. It can be a life-transforming experience. (And so can volunteering on such a line ... going through the training ... answering that phone.)

I'm not gonna say "don't seek help".

I applaud the suggestions by sundialsvcs.

The general pool of hotline and/or community help people are many times volunteers, and many times volunteers who have a common basis of understanding from where you're coming from, but it is a coin toss.

The general pool of help clinics and so forth in my humble opinion are highly slanted towards prescriptions. The old joke of a counselor doodling and not listening and then saying "and how did that make you feel?" when it's turn for them to talk, is absolutely possible and I have witnessed it occurring.

The first part is to get over a critical time.

The second part is getting effective and relevant treatment. Try to evaluate the help you obtain and determine if it's right for you or if you need to seek an alternative person/form of treatment.

The single most important thing any person can do is improve their eating and exercise regimen and it is truly crazy that it is so hard to do. I have often wondered how our species has survived when bad habits are so easy to acquire and so difficult to shed, while good habits are exactly the opposite, difficult to begin and easy to just slip away from.

The eating part isn't as difficult as the exercise part since it isn't that hard, though generally a bit more expensive, to increase the amount of fresh food we eat and allot a little more time for cooking, real cooking, not preservative drenched meal-in-ones. With so little prep and no expense I wonder just why it seems so hard to just step outside and run or run in place, do a little calisthenics. One would think the memory of how good we felt when we were more active would be compelling, but apparently some obstacle prevails.

The drive to eat badly is what gets us calories when calories have to be hunted and gathered or otherwise scavenged. And that modus operandi was true for a lot longer than McD's has been around.

I find eating right waaaaaay harder than exercising. Running feels good. But so does ice cream and cheesecake and onion rings and fried cheese curds and sweet potato fries and pizza and let's not forget a good beer to go with any of that.

suicide is a serious matter and should seek help by a professional. Also, there are some people ( not you Thor ) that use suicide to get attention and/or to have people feel sorry with them.

Thanks for underlining that it was not an attention seeker, in fact, I'm much more comfy hiding in the folds of the shadows of the dark...LOL
The overpowering stream of bad news...that got to me...
Of course, it's a bit like glasses, sometimes...it's good to take them off and not see all the details
As I noted, help seems to be in a little corner: getting out more and Real Life mixing thoughts with others...
As I did here...
Self acceptance too, realising that those things you have pushed away over time actually are gifts Life gave you. Acepting these helps bring down the "oustide/inside" tension too, that in itself is a great thing...
And yes, suicide is serious. But, someone mentioned that way way back, it was a means of "leaving the pack/tribe" so the fitter (in whatever way) bunch could continue on...
Wit me it was a matter of: what if there was NO way out? Would death (if possible by suicide) be an option? Can death also be seen as a liberating thing...
But...as I said, I have to take my "glasses" off once in a while too

I am very much an outsider wherever I am but I feel I at least made some difference to the world by giving at least one person "pause for thought".
I have read a lot of times that one should give a smile to the world and I try my best to do that and, sometimes, I feel a little hapiness that I have "shared a moment".

I'm sure bad news gets to us as well. I've read most of the posts here and some members said, just avoid the news as much as possible. Having our heads in the sand like an Ostrich to block out the events of the world may worked to a limited degree , but news, whether it's bad or good, will eventually reach our eyes and ears by TV, radio, the internet, newspapers, magazines, word of mouth from strangers and people we know and so forth.

We just have to be strong and not let world events get the better of us, or we'll have a mental meltdown. Yes, it easier said then done.

Anyway, I'm glad you're still around. Be strong

Thanks, and I plan to be around a long time now...this thread is a cleansing breath of air...
Well, to that end I got me a mountain bike and stopped stuffing myself with food but moved over to Foor (capital F) instead. No more fizzy drinks, no more hamburgers (been a while for these anyway) but more diverse as fruit, fresh veggies, tofu and a lot less TV