PROBLEM SOLVED.
I'll post this so others can figure this out in the future.
I had one of the theme authors email me back and tell me it's actually a metacity hidden option
Open up gconf-editor
go to apps--->metacity--->general--->button_layout
and I changed the value to "close,minimize,maximize:menu"
and Immediately my buttons are the same layout as my mac and I'm very happy