With all apologies to Monty Python
Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with
horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: (to Waitress) Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and slack;
egg bacon and slack; egg bacon sausage and slack; slack bacon sausage and slack;
slack egg slack slack bacon and slack; slack sausage slack slack bacon slack tomato
and slack;
Vikings: (starting to chant) slack slack slack slack...
Waitress: ...slack slack slack egg and slack; slack slack slack slack slack slack baked
beans slack slack slack...
Vikings: (singing) slack! Lovely slack! Lovely slack!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor au Crevettes with a mornay sauce served
in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate,
brandy and with a fried egg on top and slack.
Wife: Have you got anything without slack?
Waitress: Well, there's slack egg sausage and slack, that's not got much slack in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY slack!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon slack and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got slack in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much slack in it as slack egg sausage and slack, has it?
Vikings: slack slack slack slack (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon slack and sausage without the slack then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like slack!
Vikings: Lovely slack! Wonderful slack!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely slack! Wonderful slack!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon slack
and sausage without the slack.
Wife: (shrieks) I don't like slack!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your slack. I love it. I'm having
slack slack slack slack slack slack slack beaked beans slack slack slack and slack!
Vikings: (singing) slack slack slack slack. Lovely slack! Wonderful slack!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her slack instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean slack slack slack slack slack slack... (but it is too late and the
Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (singing elaborately) slack, slack, slack, slack. Lovely slack! Wonderful
slaaack! Lovely slack! Wonderful slack. sla-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack sla-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack
sla-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack sla-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack Lovely slack! (Lovely slack!) Lovely slack!
(Lovely slack!) Lovely slaaack! slack, slack, slack, slaaaaack!