I don't know if I agree with that simply because lonely is a state of mind. I do think that meditation will help or fix the lonely.

Oh, you poor girl.

Might I make one suggestion. I do not know if you have these in your area of the world.
But I think your cure is just a social interaction one. And the difficulty of thinking
of a viable method that will work for you to get out and socialize.

My wife used to work for Xerox corp and is a smart looker. College educated. She is not gullible. She had her share of
toxic relationships when she was younger.
I am a scooter tramp that rides harley davidson motorcycles. Is GED educated. Has Tattoos. And am scary looking big biker.

We hooked up via what is called a pool league. Maybe called a billards league in your area.
They are made up of individual amateur billards players that make up a team and play other teams on
a weekly basis in a bar or pub.

Lots of friendly social inter-action and talking. No need to drink alcohol either. Juices or water can be had.
It gives people a chance to hang out together with no pressure or expectations.

Me and my wife have been happy campers in life since then. We don't play pool any more but it is no big deal.
You will be amazed how easy it is to just relax as you enjoy a Wednesday or Friday night among new people you
get to know on a weekly basis.

It does not have to be billiards. A card group. Bingo. Bicycle clubs. SkateBoards. Skates. What ever trips your trigger as fun and gets you out among the crowd. With no expectations. Get away from the computer once in a while and just have fun.

I leave it to you to guess which one my girl rides when she rides with me.

RET 101

get 99.9% of the "self help" garbage out of your head

all that most of the "self help garbage " is good at is getting one HOOKED on the "self help " books and groups


unlearn the things that YOU are using to make YOUR self miserable

Rational Emotive Thought/ Training ( RET)

YASH group HA HA

Done.

Finally, I can breathe now.

I have realized the problem and the have therefore found
the solution too. The problem was that I _needed_ the
attention of this other person in order to feel loved. I had
centered my life around him. And this is not a joke that I
used to think that my life has no meaning if that person
does not love me the way he used to.

I was under a severe depression for past 5 years because
this person had changed. I remember tossing over side to
side during those sleepless nights. I used to _literally_ beg
him to love me and give me the attention he used to give before.
My voice always fell on deaf ears and that made me even more
depressed.

And then, I thought that marrying someone else will solve
the problems since the new person will at least give me
some attention.

And then, in last few days - the stack overflowed and I suddenly
got a jerk. It occurred to me - what if the new
person also changes after marriage and lessens his
attention and love towards me for whatever reasons? Then,
what I am supposed to do? Run after another man to get
attention? Then probably I'd be spending my whole life
running after men to in a hope to get some love!

So, in a nutshell, I'd be walking on egg shells and running after
and begging the men for some love and attention - throughout my life!

And this thought awakened me!

The solution is to understand that "needing" the other person to
love you is suicidal and insane. Okay, I am a human so I may feel
the need for some intimacy and all and it is okay, but it is not
okay to let your life depend on someone else's. It is not okay to
let your mood depend on someone else's.

I am responsible for my own emotional life - no one else is.

Though I am still where I was, but now I am no longer depressed
and needy. That's the good news.

Now you are talking!!!

Expecting someone's attention is one thing, want someone's attention is another thing.

Expecting someone's attention means you either like that person or in love with that person and you will feel good if you get the attention. Not getting that person attention may frustrate you / annoy you for sometime but after sometime it is fine.

But, when you want someone's attention it is more about being possessive. Basically you are saying that you want that at any cost and in that urge / drive you screw up you mental peace yourself because you are not getting something you want/possess. It is pretty much like self destruction.

Good to hear that!

I'm very glad to hear that you feel you have an explanation and are in better spirits.

Simple really. Soon you discover that hormones are not the only thing valuable in life. Watch this movie - it helps understand this point.
Exactly. Loneliness is not something to be fixed because state of mind is not disease! If you are not harming anyone then it is just as fine as being party animal.

Remember this old axiom: "Tell beautiful girls they are smart, and tell smart girls they are beautiful." Your original quote is exactly why this axiom is funny, but also sadly true.

If you are in a relationship with a person who needs to be happy constant affirmation that he or she is smart or beautiful or whatever, you are trying to fill a bathtub with the drain open. If you are that person who can only find fulfillment from other, who is the person who needs to be told he or she is beautiful or smart or whatever to be happy, that external affirmation will never be enough. You have to find yourself smart or beautiful or whatever.


It's the exact opposite. It means you have to address your human needs in order to be in a healthy relationship.

If my need is to feel beautiful, pretty much all relationships are going to be based on the other person telling me I'm beautiful. And whatever he or she says will never be enough. I have to work to find myself beautiful to be in a relationship that can grow and be healthy.

If my need is to be in a relationship, that I can't stand being by myself, alone, all my relationships will be based on holding on to the person. I think I would be smothering. I have to work on being alone and being ok by myself.

Right on!