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Old 01-09-2003, 09:07 PM   #1
moeminhtun
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Talking to get married


What is the most appropriate age for a man to get married? And why?

Last edited by moeminhtun; 01-09-2003 at 09:17 PM.
 
Old 01-09-2003, 10:05 PM   #2
deadbug
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After 25--28 to 30 being better. From 18 to 22 a young man matures greatly and changes quite a bit. Someone marrying you in this age range is guaranteed to have a different husband in a few years.

The rest of your 20s you are trying to start a career. If you went to college, you will be starting with a company you don't know enough about it yet to hate it. If you didn't go to college, you are still probably starting a new job--that one you had flipping burgers at 18 just doesn't seem so appealing now.

Around 25 you have a viable independence. You have been on your own for a few years and know what paying bills, fixing the car and maintaining the home/apartment involve. You are growing a little more comfortable with yourself and, therefore, with others.

By 28 you have seen many of your friends who foolishly married young get divorced. You have had relationships with women fail. You are old enough to understand how difficult marriage is and how serious the decision to marry is. You are not flippant about it. Because of this, you will get to know your bride very well before you get married.

I don't know what the divorce rate is like in Singapore, but here in the US, marriage under the age of 22 has almost a 75% failure rate. At 25, the rate is below 50% and by 28 it is down to around 25%.

Basically, waiting will triple your odds of success.

Hope this helps
 
Old 01-10-2003, 01:19 AM   #3
MasterC
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Wow, nice explaination

I'm 23, been married for 4 years, and seperated, on the way towards divorce mid year or so. I would totally agree with the above. I am not nearly the same person I was 4 years ago; so much changes right around this time, and there was no way for me to know/see what would happen or how things would go.

If I had the chance to go back and do things differently I wouldn't. I learned so much; however it was at quite the price. I'd say if the same 2 people had waited even 5 more years to get together, we would easily have known alot more about each other, and ourselves more importantly.

Although, 28 seems steep, even now, I'd say that sounds about accurate when all the hectic things from the transition from HS/College to working citizen, independant man/woman are just dissipating.

Nice reply deadbug
 
Old 01-10-2003, 01:47 AM   #4
mcleodnine
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It's not when to get married - it's how often.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 02:16 AM   #5
annehoog
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For me the question is more like:
Why in G.... name would I want to get married!!!!

Since I'm not religieus I don't see the point of it. (other then the taxt deductables that is)

Anne
 
Old 01-10-2003, 07:24 AM   #6
Aussie
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I was married once.....never again, as Anne said, there is no point to it unless your a god botherer.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 07:29 AM   #7
icyfire
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a what, aussie?

i just wish that people would treat marriage like it is supposed to be treated: fixable. people now date for a few months, get hitched, divorced over one or two fights, then get married again. the divorce rate is so high because either men (or women) have lost normal ethics of not hitting a woman (the only reason divorce should be considered other than complete emotional destruction) or people can't work out their problems.

(Sorry MasterC...no offense or anything.)

icy
 
Old 01-10-2003, 08:08 AM   #8
ajk
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Thank you icy!

At least one reasonable voice...

I'm not yet married... so i don't know.... but I hope getting married only once... I will tell you in ... let's say 70 years...


cheers

ajk
 
Old 01-10-2003, 08:14 AM   #9
pperon
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oh boy...

...what the hell does marriage have to do with religion!?!

I'm with deadbug and icyfire.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 08:47 AM   #10
Aussie
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Quote:
Originally posted by pperon
...what the hell does marriage have to do with religion!?!
Everything, it was the religions that invented the whole marriage deal.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 09:47 AM   #11
moeminhtun
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In West, of course if you talk about religion, you are talking about the christian. But in East, there are a few other religions other than Christian.
For example, In Buddhism, the marriage is totally different from the religion. You can even say that these two are kind of opposite.

Last edited by moeminhtun; 01-10-2003 at 09:49 AM.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 10:13 AM   #12
pperon
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Yes! Not in every culture.

If we are to assume some Judeo-Christian flavor or some god/man relationship - based culture then I agree with that.

However, where I'm from if you're going to tell me that in the year 2003 religion and marriage have everything to do with one another then I say, "bullsh*t". Let's not forget the rate of divorce as well as the fact that any drunken couple can get married by Elvis in Las Vegas or a pregnant girl and her boyfriend can run down to city hall and take their vows. I've been to many weddings where religion was not part of the ceremony at all.

BTW: I am not married, nor are my parents divorced.

I feel the reason that religion may be a part of marriage is that there is a coincidental relationship each person has with [place your deity here]. However, I'm not a historian, anthropologist, psychiatrist, or a religious figure and as I said ... I'm not married.

Alright, alright... my soapbox is cracking. Whew!
 
Old 01-10-2003, 10:59 AM   #13
Stephanie
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I somewhat agree with annehoog, but on the other hand I dont.

Humans, as well as most animals, use symbolism. Marriage is the same thing. It is symbolism to show everyone and reinforce to yourself your commitment to your partner.

But then, I also see that marriage is really nothing more than a government thing. I mean really, whether you believe in God or not, if there is one, why would he need you to go through a fancy ceremony and spend all that money? If you are commited in your heart, he should know, and you will to.
 
Old 01-10-2003, 11:21 AM   #14
MasterC
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Quote:
Originally posted by icyfire
a what, aussie?

i just wish that people would treat marriage like it is supposed to be treated: fixable. people now date for a few months, get hitched, divorced over one or two fights, then get married again. the divorce rate is so high because either men (or women) have lost normal ethics of not hitting a woman (the only reason divorce should be considered other than complete emotional destruction) or people can't work out their problems.

(Sorry MasterC...no offense or anything.)

icy
None taken

I've got one of the craziest divorces/marriages I've ever heard of, so I usually don't take offense to most marriage discussions.

We are going to continue to be friends, it's a very friendly divorce; however we have a great number of certain issues/differences that simply cannot be resolved without each of us changing who we are (or have become).

That's why I think it's such a great idea to wait as deadbug said, til sometime after 25 (on the average of course) so that you have time to become this "person" and develop these things on your own. This will help you not to have to change to person you are to something you aren't.

The reason 25 is because I am a huge believer in along with age comes maturity and wisdom. There are plenty who would be examples on proving this wrong, however I think as a general rule of thumb, 25 year olds have gained enough maturity/independance that they start to know who they are and what they desire.



Oh, and as far as marriage being religion related (I refuse to debate religion, and this is as far as I'll go) I really would have to disagree. It may be culture related, but not religion. To me those are 2 completely seperate things...

Nice discussion

Cool
 
Old 01-12-2003, 08:50 AM   #15
tundra
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it's sticky. we've been so used to the idea of marriage. it's like, marriage and children. marriage and sex. marriage and first house ownership. etc etc (among the other things in your own social/political/religious context). it makes the inevitability of death and taxes seem like a walk in the park!

so it becomes a tough issue with a strong but thin line. i've often thought about it the way all of you have. and all i end up with is trepidation. perhaps that is the way to go in this day and age?
i am probably gonna get married within the next 2 years, with not much of an exit strategy. why? well, given my current personal psychosocial condition as well as my current social/political/religious affliations.

i think you still can't surf against the waves.

sorry if everything i've said seems rather scatterbrain. everything's flooding my head and it's getting late around here, so i don't have the time to tidy up my thoughts. be kind to non-nocturnal animals
 
  


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