Yeah, see you in jail, [removed]

I'm just reporting your posts at this point, this is ridiculous.

Really? Do you have anything else to say now? See ya!

Yes, I do. What do you actually think makes me any part of whatever the heck you're on about?

First, it makes absolutely zero sense that you accuse the OP. Zero. I don't know him, though he seems like the picture of harmlessness. You want to accuse him of doing something? Evidence.

Second, I just got here. Why do you think you even know me? I have no idea who the heck you are. How am I even supposed to know you? Your thing on the side of the page says you've posted here since 2004. When did you start flipping out on random people?

Finally, the page you linked to (After someone other than you supposedly did something to your drive?) Just has posts about you bragging that you always have a spare? That makes very little sense-- when is this harassment of random people going to stop? This is beyond trolling, it's just inexplicable harassment. Do it again and I'll report it again, though I am very curious where the mods are to deal with this. I don't know you, and I don't know why you think this has anything to do with me. On top of that, you haven't made even the slightest hint as to how you arrived at any of this. The only reason I don't think you're a complete troll is that you joined here more than a decade ago. What the heck is your deal?

Hungry ghost,

Personal attacks and accusations aren't acceptable at LQ. If you'd like to continue participating here please contact me.

--jeremy

@business_kid All great advice that i'll take into consideration.. I'm probably going to keep on with the mystical/philosphical, but it wont be quite as heavy
when inter-character communication starts..

@enorbet Thanks for the feedback that's exactly what I was going for!

@TB0ne Yes I realize im jumping from one topic to another too quickly, so i'm seeing how I can put more "meat" between the sentences. Obviously I realize
that I need to spell correctly, which is why I think critisim of the story would be more constructive (which btw is a story that will leave
you on the edge of your seat)..

@freemedia2018 Thanks for the offer but im kind of a one man show, plus i dont know how long this is going to take (i.e. im not rushing it).
I have a lot of tech related things to do, so podcasting is also out of the question. Good ideas though nevertheless, thanks!

@rtmistler All of the above, im boldy talking this story where author as taken a story before.

@linus72 I'm "The last of the millenials" (there should be a funny movie called that), and thanks I think my interest in many things really helps bring out my
creativity.

@Hungry ghost wtf

@Trihexagonal Yeah Im trying to fix the story to make it more clear.. But the only way to expand one's vocabulary is with age as im not going to read a
dictionary, but I do take note words and phrases that sound cool.

@everyone Thank you all for your responses, it seems what I really need to work on based on your feedback is making the storyline more clear...

SPOLIER ALERT: The main character discovers the world is a big data simulation from us in the future for seeing how to outlive the sun (as their forced to live
underground cause sun's turning into a red giant). And that the "mysterious force" behind the cabal is a sinister interdimentional rogue AI named 'Legion' that
"infects the program" which is the basis of the UFO pehenomon)...

OP, after a day, I have few somewhat more concrete suggestions based on my experience (and I will add that, even though I developed training materials, they included fiction: role plays, case studies, and the like, which trainees must find believable or the trainees will laugh at them and not learn!).

Remember that a first draft is that--a first draft. Don't try to make your first draft perfect, or you will never get to the end, because you will always be revising the beginning. Get your concept down, then come back and fix it.

You are not your audience. Identify your audience and write for them, in terms they understand.

The most important elements in a sentence are the subject, verb, and object. If any additional elements (adjectives, adverbs, dependent clauses, prepositional phrases, etc.) do not make those clearer, said additional elements are surplus.

Good grammar is not an affectation. Grammar is the rules of the road for communication.

That does not mean perfect grammar. For example, don't worry about "who" vs. "whom" in any but the most formal writing. If "who" sounds wrong, then test for "whom"; otherwise, who usually works.

For another example, if you are writing dialog, the dialog should sound realistic for your character; if your character would not use good grammar, don't force it on your character. The words you use and how you use them are the bricks with which you build your edifice.

I've give you an example: About a century ago, there was a writer, Damon Runyon, who wrote a short story in the first person of a fictional baseball player named "Alibi Ike." In the story, Alibi Ike misspelled all the little words, but spelled the long words correctly. When Runyon was asked why he did this, he said, "Alibi Ike would know that he didn't know how to spell the big words, so he'd look them up. He wouldn't know that he was misspelling the little words, so he would spell them wrong just like he always did."

Every writer's best friend is an good editor.

Those are just a few thoughts.

O.K. Well organize it far better. And as mentioned, clean up the misspellings and incorrect uses of words. There are plenty of examples of Sci-Fi with made up terms, made up races, planets, concepts. Take the Dune series for instance.

I once read a story about an author who was the topic of a fictional novel. They were researching and writing a book, which was not the primary focus of the novel, but it was this author's task as the rest of the story progressed. As part of this, there were some sections discussing the various archives of research they had grown over the years. Because they also had been writing fiction. As a result, they had dictionaries and glossaries describing characters, places, and situations which they had used previously in their books. The explanation of their intentions was that they were writing a continued part of their series and thus it needed to have continuity with their former writings. Actually as part of their research covering the history of their books, they discovered a parallel to something which was happening to them presently, which was the main plot of a horror/suspense novel. Reading the afterward, the real author discussed the parts about their main character and their efforts and mentioned that this was something which they did as part of their writing, and that they hoped they didn't bore the readers needlessly, but also commented that it sort of identified them with their primary character from time to time.

I can only take them at their word, but it was clear that they had put a great deal of time and effort into creating these notes that they used while they authored new books.

That as well as having the capability to read and review your work critically where you can see it from various other points of view are things which I feel are important.

The Force is weak with this one...

If it's been done before why bother doing it again? An author as already talked it there. Probably did it boldly, too.



Self-confidence is a good thing. Overestimating your own abilities something altogether different.

Millennials may be used to getting a trophy for participation but they don't hand them out to writers just because you link up some words. You may not want to hear about your grammar or spelling but you will everywhere else so learn to love it or improve your language skills.



Then just forget about writing for now. Maybe in 40 years when you learn some new words and further your language skills after you've become a Sage by age.

I've read the Dictionary. It's my favorite book. I have a 1995 Websters New World Dictionary paperback within reach when I use the computer. I use dictionary.com as my search engine. I consult the Dictionary and/or Thesaurus every day I write dialog for my chatbot Demonica. Words come to me out of thin air when I need them like magic.


I've always been able to do Head Rhymes before I knew what it was called, that's natural ability. Once I found out what I had been doing for years to amuse myself I honed that skill by further time with the Dictionary.

I don't set the bar in Alliteration. I am the Bar. And do not overestimate my own abilities.


If you think your natural creativity and way with words will negate the need to work, good luck with that.

You're welcome. Main thing is keep doing it. Many songwriters make themselves write a new song each day. By the end of each month they have a boatload to toss out, but a few are worthy of revisiting and one of the thirty usually is a damned good song.

That is best done by keeping things simple. It's what chapters and new books are for. I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said (paraphrased) "
Drop hints an event may come soon. Tell them that event is imminent. Tell them it is here now. Reflect on the event." It's generally not a good idea to try to communicate Thew Big Picture, or worse, many big pictures, all at once. In your mind, since it is your idea you will "fill in the blanks" and make all the connections. Other people can't read your mind to do the same so they can't follow such a thread for all the holes.

I don't want to discourage you since if you really want to write, I think you should take that as far as you can, but I think this is a huge, complicated undertaking. I don't begin to understand what a shadow government the protagonist believes in has to do with a simulation. That kind of thing is pseudoscience as are UFOs and will immediately put off serious Science Fiction readers. The biggest leap is that the Sun will not go Red Giant for over 1 billion years./ It is extremely difficult for the most educated writers to imagine a believable story in which it's easy to suspend disbelief at most a few hundred years in the future. In over 1 billion years it may be very unlikely anyb humqns will still exist and if they do it is unlikely they will have anything at all in common with us. They might not even have bodies. If Homo Sapiens manages to continue even a fraction of that time, say 10,000 years, I seriously doubt their solution to the Sun in it's death throes will be limited to "going underground". It is an extremely difficult premise to sell that you, or anyone, can envision a future so distant. It might be wise to employ some other catastrophe a hundred or so years from now.

Anyway if you keep at it and keep seeking feedback your story may morph into different stories a few times till it "gels". Good luck and may the farce be with you

@frankbell Thanks Frank, some good pointers.. I actually need to review all the stuff they taught in English class, like creating a thesis, etc etc.. I if I go through with this I'll check out the authors you mentioned, aswell.

@Trihexagonal Thanks for admiting that Im a creative genius. But grammer is not all that (thats what editors are for), did you know Eienstein couldnt spell that well either?

@rtmistler Hmmm interesting... I might try something like that

@enorbet IDK man simulation theory is huge (Elon Musk belives in it) and even I consider it a possibility. In reguards to the sun then maybe ill make it about climate change which according to Ocasio Cortez will happen in its entirety by 2020 (not man-made climate change I dont believe in that; not to get political or anything).. Out of curiousty would do you think we can do besides going underground to evade the heat of the sun?

Thank you all for your encouraging support, and may the force be with you!

2030, and that is just as ridiculous. She doesn't know anything about climate science, she is borrowing from it to create a political platform.

You are writing your story, not your editor. Not criticising an author for their insufficient grasp of grammar is like not criticising a carpenter for holding the wrong end of a screwdriver to hammer a nail. Einstein may have had problems with spelling, but he knew exactly how to use his mathematical tools. Don't denigrate grammar (or spelling), it suggests that you don't respect your chosen medium.

The only option will be to go somewhere else - going underground won't be viable (literally). You're going to have to come up with new technologies, eg multigenerational spaceships that can carry enough fuel for centuries or millenia - maybe throw a Dyson sphere around Jupiter after you've invented a way to ignite the planet. You WILL have to invent something, just keep your invented science consistent (or you'll be writing fantasy instead of science fiction).

Your reading comprehension needs work as well...





Attempt "creative genius" against antagonists in an Alliteration forum anytime and know annihilation.

BTW, It's Einstein. If you're going to be a name-dropper at least spell his name right.