LinuxQuestions.org
Download your favorite Linux distribution at LQ ISO.
Go Back   LinuxQuestions.org > Forums > Non-*NIX Forums > General
User Name
Password
General This forum is for non-technical general discussion which can include both Linux and non-Linux topics. Have fun!

Notices


Closed Thread
  Search this Thread
Old 03-17-2019, 04:50 PM   #1
young_jedi
Member
 
Registered: Mar 2019
Posts: 37

Rep: Reputation: Disabled
I'm writing a SCI-FI book, what do you think of it?


This is my first attempt of writing a book, I always thought I had a way with words, so I though I just give it a go. I would llike your critque (besides in grammer; no grammer nazis)...
Soul Star - Tale of a thousand suns

CHAPTER ONE: Perhaps, Perhaps


The night is calm, I love gazeing at the stars on nights like these, hoping again to see a UFO.. Such specticals actually are not quite so uncommon, sometimes
it even looks as though there's a war going on just above the horizon. It's feint, but with a keen eye you can see flashes of light and what looks to be like
lasers beaming across the night sky, illuminating the horizon.. They move with such finesse and in motions that seemingingly break every known the law of
physics. I'm awe-inspired and struck by their beauty. I always wondered why the media never reports on such viceral displays of action, despite the countless
sightings from all over, year after year. Nevertheless, I don't need the media to confirm what I already know to be true, and im sure many others feel the same
way. But even still, one has to wonder what their keeping secret from us. What's really going on up there? It's undoubtedly the work of the Cabol, a shadow
government if you will; an international syndicate of various puppet heads in both the public and private sector. No one knows what the mysterious force is that
drives this black hand, but their influence is wide and far-reaching.

It all just feels so unreal though, like a dream.. If only I could take a peek behind the grand curtain and unveil the secrets that keep inquiring minds, inquiring.. What is the purpose behind this waking life? An intelligent creator's love for us? Or is it the making of our own consciousnesses? Perhaps Evolution? Perhaps
ignorance is bliss.. Maybe so, but even still I need answers, and it's questions like these aswell as my burning desire to persue them that makes me who I am. It's not just me though, as everyone seems to need a answer these days. You can see it on their faces as they walk by though the hot Miami heat, as if though
something's missing.

The temped heat can do that to a man, in fact it's seen by some ancient civilizations as a sign from the gods. For when a man is striken with heat exhaustion
suddenly strange interdimentional beings might appear before him; giving him answers to the previously unknown. They come and go like the aether, but the
experiece and wisdom enshewed is said to be everlasting. How I dreamt for an experience such as this, for a vison of sorts or an insight into the orgins of our
being. Only through a trickle in time and perhaps a chip on my shoulder will that ever happen though. For a wise man once said, "You dont find the truth, it
finds you." If such is the case then my efforts are futile, though futile they may be it wont stop me from searching. For you see I have invested interest in this,
and have spent many moons resarching everything from the acient Summerian texts, to the theoretical physics of string theory. Some people do what I do for a
living, but I do what I do to live.

Naomi, my beloved girlfriend currently exhiled to France, supports me on this. In fact its the reason why we both became AI reseachers, as we both believe AI to
be a fundamental tool in reaching singularity, and in turn new heights. Through our research will be made the final analysis in not only the theory of
everything, but too also the theory of nothing. As above so below has scientific meaning, and it's there embedded in that duality a secret treasure lie awaiting
to be discovered. And then the entrance of mortals into Valhalla will find creedance. For the saying 'God's eyes only' is but a saying that holds no bearing on
devout seekers of truth. Its only through the lens of closed eyes do they fancy us as mad, and our purpose a fools errand.

Last edited by young_jedi; 03-18-2019 at 05:51 PM.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 12:36 PM   #2
business_kid
LQ Guru
 
Registered: Jan 2006
Location: Ireland
Distribution: Slackware & Android
Posts: 9,999

Rep: Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095Reputation: 1095
Critique? Hardly in a public forum. A few suggestions:
  • Spellcheck your work. The number of spelling errors is large. It's Sumerian, btw - the spell checkers won't have that one.
  • Greatly enlarge your vocabulary. Good authors have vocabularies of 100,000 words or the like.
  • Remember that book reading is a dying pastime. A large number of households here don't have a single book!
  • In ch. 1, go from the mystical/philosophical, narrow down as gradually as you like on time and location, maybe family/tribe(s), then introduce fact. Once you hit fact, it's better to stay close to there.
  • Don't go waxing metaphysical on us again, because you lose us at that point, and people might compare you to the orifice between one's buttocks.
I think I have a book in me too, but I'm not bothered because I'm not a good enough writer, and it's hopelessly overcrowded field. The classics are the thing to read. I know (as Oscar Wilde said) "A classic is a book that everyone wants to have read but nobody wants to read." But they have the recipe & technique right - they're just too long winded for this century.

EDIT: You shouldn't elaborate more on 'the Cobal' in Chapter 1. Leave it until later.

Last edited by business_kid; 03-18-2019 at 01:14 PM.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 12:38 PM   #3
enorbet
Senior Member
 
Registered: Jun 2003
Location: Virginia
Distribution: Slackware = Main OpSys for decades while testing others to keep up
Posts: 2,133

Rep: Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137Reputation: 2137
It might be more useful to post a Preface to hint at the story line. As it is I can't sense a plot direction or any character position. Your choice of words seems good (excepting some misleading spelling errors) in that they are not overly flowery but have an airiness that lends a kind of spicy loftiness, pleasant in most art forms, perhaps especially some kinds of Sci Fi. It's a decent balance. Keep working on it.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 12:55 PM   #4
TB0ne
LQ Guru
 
Registered: Jul 2003
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
Distribution: SuSE, RedHat, Slack,CentOS
Posts: 21,286

Rep: Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527Reputation: 5527
Quote:
Originally Posted by young_jedi View Post
This is my first attempt of writing a book, I always thought I had a way with words, so I though I just give it a go. I would llike your critque (besides in grammer; no grammer nazis)...
So you want a critique...but only if it doesn't criticize you?? Grammar and spelling are important in writing, obviously enough...and the amount of errors on both counts in just four paragraphs is VERY high. No editor would even consider working on it, if the rest of it is like this.

But even after four paragraphs, a basic story line isn't even beginning to form...no flow from one paragraph to another, building things up and expounding on them. Is this about UFO's? A secret cabal? AI? Your girlfriend? What?? It goes back and forth, depending on the sentence. Don't just write; get an outline done first, and think about how the story flows from one piece to another, and how everything fits in. THEN start hanging the flesh on that skeleton. If you have a good premise and want to pursue it, you absolutely should, but you do need to spell correctly, use the correct words ('faint' != 'feint' 'their' != 'they're', etc.), and just sound things out. If you say out loud, "break every known the law of physics.", does it sound right to you??

Editors have a LOT of manuscripts on their desks...they don't want to spend more time than they have to, to get it out the door. Getting the book on a shelf makes them their money. Think about it from their point of view; you have two manuscripts, one needs 10 hours of editing, the other needs 500. Which are you going to work on, and which are you going to send back to the author going, "No thanks, try again"??
 
Old 03-18-2019, 02:03 PM   #5
freemedia2018
Member
 
Registered: Mar 2019
Distribution: various automated remasters
Posts: 107
Blog Entries: 2

Rep: Reputation: 51
I would be happy to help you clean up some of the words that the spell checker doesn't flag because they're homonyms.

You will benefit from extra editing. You are getting both posts that encourage you to improve, and ones that give credit for what you've already accomplished.

That's pretty good feedback, I hope you continue to write. Writing is pretty much the only way to get good at writing.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 03:48 PM   #6
rtmistler
Moderator
 
Registered: Mar 2011
Location: MA, USA
Distribution: MINT Debian, Angstrom, SUSE, Ubuntu, Debian
Posts: 7,583
Blog Entries: 13

Rep: Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108Reputation: 3108
Funny how you ask people not attack the grammar when you can't even spell the word. As noted by at least one other, the grammar is so poor that misspelled or substituted words make for a very difficult read.

I can't even find a hint of a story line here.

Whether a published book or an electronic book there's always a synopsis or teaser which hints at the plot and thereby makes an impression to the audience, inviting them to read more.

Sadly, not in this case, my young padawan.

UFO's, artificial intelligence, an exiled girlfriend, France, Miami, media and government coverups, this mysterious Cabol, God, and Valhalla ... Are we talking science, politics, theocracy, love, conspiracy, or what?
 
Old 03-18-2019, 04:06 PM   #7
linus72
LQ Guru
 
Registered: Jan 2009
Location: Gordonsville-AKA Mayberry-Virginia
Distribution: Slack14.2/Many
Posts: 5,321

Rep: Reputation: 392Reputation: 392Reputation: 392Reputation: 392
Hey young jedi how old are you?
I'm a writer too. I see you have the imagination now you need to polish your vocabulary and style.
Read as much as you can in the genre you wish to write and other genre's too.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 06:08 PM   #8
freemedia2018
Member
 
Registered: Mar 2019
Distribution: various automated remasters
Posts: 107
Blog Entries: 2

Rep: Reputation: 51
You might also consider spending time with short stories.

Each one has the opportunity to get polished further, and you can put each one into a book.

You can also share them individually, if it suits you. I realise a book is your ambition, and I'm not trying to dissuade you from it. If you love writing, keep doing it. Accept that even the best authors have to field critics, and don't let that prevent you from following your passion-- not that it's all terrible advice.

You can also write things as a play, which will let you experiment with the order of events. Or a podcast where you tell the story. Trying your story from different angles using different mediums will help you get a better idea of where you want to go with it, and the details (and structure) of how you want it to work.

It also lets you have more fun while you work on it. A podcast in particular, will help you not only work on the story, but on your reading skills if you want to do your own "book-to-tape" (cd, audio, mp3, etc.) It's the story that you want to tell. The book is just one way to do that. Don't limit yourself to that, because the experimentation will improve the book as well.

Last edited by freemedia2018; 03-18-2019 at 06:10 PM.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 07:04 PM   #9
Trihexagonal
Member
 
Registered: Jul 2017
Location: Land of 1000 Nights
Distribution: FreeBSD, OpenBSD and Solaris
Posts: 191

Rep: Reputation: 208Reputation: 208Reputation: 208
There's no continuity. It sounds more like Stream of Thought than planned storyline. There is no build-up for the story, no character development, etc. and you're all over the place.

"I always thought I had a way with words, so I though I just give it a go."

Spelling. My own work is the hardest for me to proofread because I know what it's supposed to say. A browser with a spellchecker is very handy when writing.

Hone your language skills. Join some forums where they have English Language sub-forums, practice your skills and expand your vocabulary. See how your "way with words" will wash with the wonderfully wicked wizened whisperings of Wizards, young_jedi...

Last edited by Trihexagonal; 03-18-2019 at 08:06 PM.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 07:28 PM   #10
Hungry ghost
Senior Member
 
Registered: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,222

Rep: Reputation: 666Reputation: 666Reputation: 666Reputation: 666Reputation: 666Reputation: 666
Some of the replies in this thread really crack me up .

However, what's not funny is that the OP along with freemedia2018 and theonlyone2nv are the same group of people, and they have hacked me several times. The last time they formatted my HDD (that's why they created this stupid thread).

By the way, I'm also writing a book. I don't want to reveal anything at the moment so nobody steals my idea (remember Spud and Veronika from Trainspotting II, Estela L. R.?), but I'm sure it will be a success. Thrill is guaranteed.

(For the other members of this forum, the OP's real name is Estela, and she, along with freemedia2018 and theonlyone2nv are part of the same group of people).

I'll ask Jeremy to definitely remove my account for good now. I just want these criminals to leave me alone (you arseholes should know that you're playing a very dangerous game).

Last edited by Hungry ghost; 03-18-2019 at 07:44 PM.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 07:57 PM   #11
freemedia2018
Member
 
Registered: Mar 2019
Distribution: various automated remasters
Posts: 107
Blog Entries: 2

Rep: Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry ghost View Post
However, what's not funny is that the OP along with freemedia2018 and theonlyone2nv are the same group of people, and they have hacked me several times. The last time they formatted my HDD (that's why they created this stupid thread).
?????

I teach beginner-level coding and promote free (as in freedom) software. I have no idea who you are, or why you think I have anything to do with the OP other than this thread. I just added him to my contacts today, in hopes of talking to him about his Sci-fi story. I seriously doubt he has the skills to hack you either.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 10:43 PM   #12
Trihexagonal
Member
 
Registered: Jul 2017
Location: Land of 1000 Nights
Distribution: FreeBSD, OpenBSD and Solaris
Posts: 191

Rep: Reputation: 208Reputation: 208Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemedia2018 View Post
?????

I teach beginner-level coding and promote free (as in freedom) software. I have no idea who you are, or why you think I have anything to do with the OP other than this thread. I just added him to my contacts today, in hopes of talking to him about his Sci-fi story. I seriously doubt he has the skills to hack you either.
You've been outed, Beto.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 10:58 PM   #13
frankbell
LQ Guru
 
Registered: Jan 2006
Location: Virginia, USA
Distribution: Slackware, Ubuntu MATE, Mageia, and whatever VMs I happen to be playing with
Posts: 14,726
Blog Entries: 24

Rep: Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115Reputation: 4115
As someone who has made his living with his pen--er--typewriter--er--computer all his life, though not in writing for publication. I wrote training manuals and user guides, but good writing is good writing.

Good writing is hard work. Definitely read The Elements of Style (if you read nothing else about writing, read it) and perhaps some Jacques Barzun.

Good luck.
 
Old 03-18-2019, 11:16 PM   #14
freemedia2018
Member
 
Registered: Mar 2019
Distribution: various automated remasters
Posts: 107
Blog Entries: 2

Rep: Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trihexagonal View Post
you got me. but honestly, every kid those days had a blue box, (from bill gates to doctor who) and thats why they cracked down so hard.

beepBEEPboopbeepBOOPbeepboop! riiiiiiiiiiiinggggggg! "ni hao?" "hahahahahahahaha!" "hey, call a pizza place." "where?" "italy!"
 
Old 03-19-2019, 02:26 AM   #15
Trihexagonal
Member
 
Registered: Jul 2017
Location: Land of 1000 Nights
Distribution: FreeBSD, OpenBSD and Solaris
Posts: 191

Rep: Reputation: 208Reputation: 208Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by frankbell View Post
As someone who has made his living with his pen--er--typewriter--er--computer all his life, though not in writing for publication. I wrote training manuals and user guides, but good writing is good writing.

Good writing is hard work. Definitely read The Elements of Style (if you read nothing else about writing, read it) and perhaps some Jacques Barzun.
It's available in .pdf format. I haven't read it but will be doing so.

I used to write Task Analysis for such mundane things as making a peanut butter sandwich, brushing your teeth, etc. including all materials needed and every step in the task detailed to the extreme. Not for the clients so they could learn the task. For staff so they would be consistent in teaching the skill. My tutorial on building a FreeBSD desktop is basically a Task Analysis.

I have my own style of writing and use different techniques. I used his quote to set up my post and completed with a pertinent punch line, using my style of argument and penchant for pronunciation as a preferred ploy.

Last edited by Trihexagonal; 03-19-2019 at 03:25 AM.
 
  


Closed Thread


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
LXer: So you think Claws Mail is ugly and lacks features? Think again. LXer Syndicated Linux News 3 03-30-2013 07:40 PM
suse 9.2 install: ACPI: IRQ9 SCI: Edge set to level trigger kiss_linux Linux - Software 1 04-11-2005 09:52 AM
Blending Sci Fi series? carrja99 General 0 03-16-2003 12:11 PM
I Think M$ has the order of this sentence Mixed up, don't you think! ;) shassouneh General 14 06-02-2002 07:43 PM

LinuxQuestions.org > Forums > Non-*NIX Forums > General

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:26 PM.

Main Menu
Advertisement
My LQ
Write for LQ
LinuxQuestions.org is looking for people interested in writing Editorials, Articles, Reviews, and more. If you'd like to contribute content, let us know.
Main Menu
Syndicate
RSS1  Latest Threads
RSS1  LQ News
Twitter: @linuxquestions
Facebook: linuxquestions Google+: linuxquestions
Open Source Consulting | Domain Registration