Open a term window, su to root, and enter the following commands: inetd -version and xinetd -version. There should be only one active, and this will tell you which one.
The man pages don't mention any method to restart, but they do say that xinetd is a daemon process: it starts when needed by one of the services it monitors. So, rough guess: stop the services which use xinetd, then restart in order to have xinetd re-read the conf files.
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