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Old 11-17-2004, 01:40 PM   #1
cyberliche
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Whats your favorite computer/tech joke?


Ok, I'll admit it, I'm such a geek I even love computer/math/science jokes. I opened this thread for people to post jokes, that way I might hear some I've not heard before. I'll start:

First is more of a .sig kinda thing:

Ascii a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out "We got him!"

And finally funny unix commands:
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man: : Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% sh $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create
 
Old 11-17-2004, 01:58 PM   #2
acid_kewpie
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I really hate al them personally. i spent a good deal of time at university trying to avoid IT humour, but one day got side swiped with:

Q: What goes "pieces of 9, pieces of 9"
A: A Parroty error.

anyway....
 
Old 11-17-2004, 02:27 PM   #3
cyberliche
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Ahahah, IT & Cheezy humor, I love it.
 
Old 11-17-2004, 03:51 PM   #4
dave_starsky
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How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! Thats a hardware problem
 
Old 11-17-2004, 09:19 PM   #5
scuzzman
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My favorite has always been unix sex:

touch; finger; mount; fsck; fsck; fsck; fsck; umount; sleep;
 
Old 11-18-2004, 01:31 AM   #6
floppywhopper
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why make up a joke
life is often funnier

heard a ( true ) story about a tech man
who had to fix a computer
( This is going back a few years )
a computer ( at university ) class were trying to print off assignments, the only computer available took 3 1/2 floppies, so some of the students took their 5 1/4 disks and some scissors and cut them to size. naturally the drive jammed and they of course blamed him ( the tech ) for their mistake.

live long and prosper
and may your floppy ( drive ) never jam

floppywhopper
 
Old 11-18-2004, 04:42 AM   #7
Zuggy
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Quote:
Originally posted by floppywhopper
why make up a joke
life is often funnier
A guy calls tech support and says, "My computer won't start."
"Is it plugged in?" The tech support person asks.
"I can't tell, the powers out."

And I saw this on a networking forum once.
"How long is 1000' of ethernet?"

(Incase you didn't get that last one or are wondering what the pun is, it's not a joke. Someone actually wanted to know how long 1000' of ethernet was. He never did get a response.)
 
Old 11-18-2004, 03:35 PM   #8
cyberliche
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Thanks for all the replys so far.

Here's one a co-worker just related to me:

Why do so many mathimaticians get Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 is DEC 25.


(for the non-math inclined, OCT is short for Octal (base 8 numbers) and DEC is short for Decimal (base 10 numbers)
 
Old 11-18-2004, 03:55 PM   #9
MartinN
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It's been said that if you give a million monkeys a typewriter each, one of them will eventually type Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true.

Martin
 
Old 11-19-2004, 02:32 AM   #10
floppywhopper
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Pinched this from another forum ...

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES

UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.

Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses 4 much bigger planes to cover the same route, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "J***s, you had to do what with the seat? ... "

AIr BSD: There is an airplane. It's really really old. However, somehow it still works very well. There have been some fix-it-up jobs done over the years but it's essentially a really old airplane. All the passengers insist that their airplane is the best bar-none. Somebody hears a passenger of Linux Air mumble under their breath that Air BSD is a dead airline.


All credit to the respective authors whoever they are.
live long and prosper
floppy
 
Old 11-25-2004, 03:12 AM   #11
henryg
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"Having seen the Gentoo install instructions, I think I'd rather circumcise myself" anonymous.

C++ is like teenage sex:

It is on everyone's mind all the time.
Everyone talks about it all the time.
Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
Almost no one is really doing it.

The few who are doing it are:
Doing it poorly.
Sure it will be better next time.
Not practicing it safely.
 
Old 11-25-2004, 03:39 AM   #12
vharishankar
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Tech support humour:
http://www.masterlymayhem.com/page/humour.html

Got the link off another forum...

EDIT: The site claims that some of them are real-life conversations...

Last edited by vharishankar; 11-25-2004 at 03:42 AM.
 
Old 11-25-2004, 05:33 AM   #13
heema
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Quote:
Originally posted by Harishankar
Tech support humour:
http://www.masterlymayhem.com/page/humour.html

Got the link off another forum...

EDIT: The site claims that some of them are real-life conversations...
Great link , it made me laugh
 
Old 11-25-2004, 09:53 AM   #14
vharishankar
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Quote:
Originally posted by heema
Great link , it made me laugh
Yes... Wish they had more jokes, though. That was too short. I could have done with some more...
 
Old 11-25-2004, 11:18 AM   #15
amdalltheway
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Quote:
C++ is like teenage sex:

It is on everyone's mind all the time.
Everyone talks about it all the time.
Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
Almost no one is really doing it.

The few who are doing it are:
Doing it poorly.
Sure it will be better next time.
Not practicing it safely.
Are you kidding me? I don't know about where you're from, but around here its just the opposite. All the teens ARE doing it, and doing it correctly, and frequently enough to where it doesn't need to be talked about all the time like it's something unusual. What is the world coming to?

But, as far as C++ goes, I, too, would rather circumsize myself.
 
  


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