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Oh, happy birthday Debian!! Congratulations, you're awesome! And so multifaceted, too...
Your Stable side is rock-solid, reliable, ever true. It's the side of you that some kids call "boring," but yet they rely on it and admire it. I do too. Thanks for being so reliable and steady on my hardware!
The Testing side of you is the tentative, baby-steps sorta thing that reminds me of - well, me! But oh, the things we learn, the treasures we can add to the Stable part of us when we test new things!
The popular kids really like your Unstable side. It kinda scares me a little, but I admire it too. It rolls! Always on the move, never sitting still. Fidgety, like me, but much bolder and brasher... nothing like me! Gotta admire it!
Some grownups have warned me about your Experimental side, though, Debian, to be honest, but I say don't be ashamed of your darker side! It's part of who you are and it gives you strength! I just hate to see you crash, paying the price for all those very bold risks you take sometimes in this part of you. But you break new ground for others! You blaze new trails and open all kindsa new doors for all of us. Yes, this side of you scares me, but I'm still very grateful for it, Debian. Because eventually your new discoveries make it all the way to that Stable part of you that so many of us rely on.
We love, you, Debian! Happy seventeenth birthday! And thanks for being so awesome!