So, I'm using an Inspiron Desktop 570 and trying to get this Arch(64bit) installer to work, but even my copy of the handbook doesn't help if it can't find my ethernet. I'm not as-of-yet the most knowledgeable with these things, but I installed Arch on my old laptop without Ethernet issues of any sort, and if I can just get passed this, I shouldn't have additional troubles installing again. If anyone can either A: shed some light on this or B: suggest an equally-flexible distro (not Gentoo, seriously not that), I'd be ecstatic! ^_^

(I know, I know 'if you can't figure this out, you shouldn't be using Arch' or whatever. Those kinds of comments will be disregarded.)

Perhaps try a ready-made Arch based distro like CTKArchLive or ArchBang?
http://archbang.org/

http://ctkarch.org/

I'll try one of those, then. Thanks for the suggestion!

EDIT: After having a look at both and having ArchBang's installer not work (either due to my lazily not-verifying the iso or due to hardware issues), I just decided to have a Debian install w/ xfce. Sorry for the trouble, but I think we can call this 'resolved-sorta'.