Hari's Little Contest#1: Linux Troll Essay Contest
I am planning to run a series of little essay-writing contests (I'm truly sorry I cannot provide physical prizes at present because of lack of resources) and I would like some entries from LQers. I will announce the winners here.
I will be putting up three of the best entries received (along with the name of the winners) in my website and I hope as many of you can participate in it as possible. It will be fun and it will be a good exercise in writing. Note: If any of you *do not* want me to publish entries posted in this thread in my website, please do state so and I will respect your wish. Those entries will not be judged for the contest. I request the moderators of the general forum, namely XavierP, acid_kewpie and Mara to be the judges for this contest and select the three best entries. If you have any doubts or require clarifications please don't post in this thread, but e-mail me so that we can keep this thread open only to contest entries. The first contest will be quite fun and is an exercise in simulation. We have all seen Linux trolls everywhere. Now is your turn to take a dig at all trolls by writing a satirical trolling article/essay on Linux. Rules of the first contest:
If the moderators have any objection to this thread, I request them to contact me and clarify. I would be very grateful if you could air your objections to me. |
70 views and no entries yet. Let me kickstart this then. Note that this entry is an example and not considered for the contest.
I wrote this essay entirely from my imagination and this essay does not represent my views! :) Quote:
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Sorry, my brain is mush right about now, I'll see if I can come up with something... Until then I can see this is going to be fun!! :)
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I've been busy with my anti-troll "Linux is not Windows" article, but I'll work on the troll ASAP
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lynucks suX0r!!!! U aLL thiNk uR l33t becuz U uze liN(s)uCKs, but n0thyng evr wurkz. oMG windows rULez! i lyk my komputR to w0rk s0 i can plAy gamez, not hAff to mess around with it aLL the tymE! :p :cry: :jawa: :mad: :D :o
:rolleyes: i guess i'd make a rotten troll. :( :p |
oneandoneis2, n0xvb: I look forward to your entries! Thanks ;)
synaptical: Thanks. Shall I consider that your entry? Note: you can post more entries if you want. Just make sure you use the "quote" option to separate your main post from your entry. Looking forward to more entries! Thanks and Regards. |
Linus is silly and itss stink<!
Fisrt i wanna say that I just stole this compueter yesrterday to plays a games with my friensd. We plays at sends virusses at ich ozer. THats's FUNN !!! Gahhahhha !! The namz on the compuetre was Harishnakar and i t had nuthin but silly linus on. Lots of linus, ze guys like it ! I usally stole compuerters with Windos on it, coz' it s eazi and their always have lost of , ya kno, nudie women an'all, on 'em. It is so complicatted that i cann't undersatnd anyting. So I come to thsi site to found if piple here can helps me and i don't kno why, they dont's. I am shure its coz' they dont kno they selfs to uze the comps. Some of zem on this borring site they'ze got 'gurus' undr ther namez. Me i kno 'Skippy' the Kanguru but its a like them big rats with longg tailz tyhey'z live in austria or Austra, far from here anyways. Why are they calls zem selfs 'Kangurus'. IT's stoopid !! Linus is A birdy with live in Antaractica, in them hissbergs; it's no kanguruz. On Windoz ya just plugz in the mainz an the box is OKAy , wel, at lease 15 minits. On linus, ya can let it go all nite but ya need 3 yearz to kno to uze it §! Linus stinks. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!é'_çifb s,;o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Harishankar, while I realize this is just for fun, I personally read enough "Troll crap" everyday.
I would like to see something along the lines of proper user input validation and error control. Programming stuff. I'm not one to thread jack though, so against my better judgment..... :) /Begin insane meaningless straw-man arguments that I don't even believe myself. It's finally official. After fifty years of painstaking research and BILLIONS of dollars we finally have the answer to the question that's been on all our minds since birth. Is Linux ready for the desktop. Fortunatly for the rest of the world this research was done on the American taxpayers dime. In a deal between Bush and the Devil(which all parties agree was not coerced and was penned in blood) five of the top 1000000 researchers funded by 2% of 28% of the remaining 68% where the top 3 of the aforementioned top 5 revealed today that there is a 50% chance that their claim is indisputable. According to the agreement between Bush and Beelzebub (from now on referred to as the "No blood for Linux scandle") we will all be able to sleep without having to worry whether Linus "I'm a commie" Torvalds (which this reporter has on the highest authority is actually a gay homosexual alien from the crab nebula) will be coming to get them or their childern. I for one am glad that this mess has finally been cleared up and I'm sure you all are as well. Don't forget to check my exclusive behind the scenes look at reporters entitled "Um, I'm pretty sure I didn't make THAT story up." /end random meaningless comment. Actually that was pretty fun. Hope you all get a little laugh, I did while writing it. Zack |
zackarya, thanks for your entry ;)
My next essay contest will be on something more serious. Don't worry. :) |
O.k. I've got one more. I'm a glutton for punishment. :)
My Linux horror story. Well I finally broke down and tried this "Linux" thing that everyone was talking about. I went into this with high expectations. Now don't get me wrong, I never thought that it was going to be as good as Windows is, but I never could have imagined the pile of steaming crap that "Linux" would turn out to be. For starters, now get this, if I wanted to get this so called "free" program, I would have to download a FULL CD. Now like most of you I have an AOL dialup account and as you can imagine this was not an option for me. I was already getting the feeling that "Linux" was for the super uber geeks that have that "Broadband" stuff. That was nut kick number 1. But I'm a trooper, so I searched for some other way to get it. Well after countless hours of searching I came across someone who was willing to send me a DVD. Now for my second kick in the nuts. This guy had the nerve to ask me for four dollars to send it to me. FOUR DOLLARS for a friggin "free" program. I'm starting to think these FLOSS people don't understand what the word "free" means. I think FLOSS needs to look at the way MicroSoft does things. When I bought my computer, Windows XP was already on there for FREE. I was determined to find out what the hype was about though, so I emptied my bank accounts and sent the guy the money. Finally, like a WEEK later my DVD arrived. I sat down, put the DVD in my CDROM and waited. Nothing. NOTHING. I was immediately on the phone with my local police department to report the fraud that I was just a victim of. That's when I got my third kick in the nuts. They told me there was nothing they could do about it. I'm out my life savings and nobody seemed to care. That was my experience with "Linux". I don't want to sound bitter but until FLOSS can fix the following problems with "Linux" you would be well advised to stay far far away(unless you enjoy being repeatedly kicked in the nuts). 1. FLOSS should just send everyone free copies of Linux, if it really is "free". 2. Linux needs to be able to stop people from selling fake copies of itself. 3. Linux needs to have local police agencies behind it. 4. Linux needs to make a deal with the Post Office so that it doesn't take so long to get it. And the MAIN thing FLOSS needs to do with Linux - I should be able to run "Linux" from Windows. That's the only way to be sure it works correctly. I'll be sticking with Windows XP. I mean, think about it. There was Windows 2000, 2003 then XP. Obviously MicroSoft has invented some sort of time travel device and brought back technology from so far in the future we've run out of numbers to describe it. Zack |
Nice one, zackarya! ;)
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My Linux Rant:
To all the hackers, There is a pluge, a cancer living amoung us. A growing problem. Today I cought a my brother hacking someone. He broke my new dell. I went to boot it on and discovered that he illegally installed hcking tooling onto my computer. The screen was all back with white letters that said "root@localhost #" I found he was using an illegal program called "irc" to help him install a hacking tool called "liunx". I did my research, liunx is used by hackers to hack AOL uses and steal money from microsoft. If you know anyone using this program, please turn them into the police. Don't believe me, read it for your self: http://www.microsoft.com/getthefacts. after talking to dell tech support, I found out that the only way to fix this was to buy a new computer. I have had my computer since 1996 and don't see why I should have to get a new one. LIUNX IS AN ILLEGAL HACKING TOOL that must be distroyed. -Joey |
That was quite original and also quite different too from the usual ones, Joey. Good work. Thanks! :)
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coder from Nutbush |
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