LinuxQuestions.org - Chuck Norris uses linux :)

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Chuck Norris uses linux :)

Hi...

Chuck Norris is planning to release his own Distro... :D

http://dearandroidlinux.wordpress.co...-chuck-norris/

Quote:

Why Linux doesn’t have any viruses? Because Chuck Norris uses it!

A Linux designed by Chuck Norris would require no backups, as it would be too scared of Chuck to fail.

CPUs run faster to get away from Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, the kernel would always panic. (kernel panic is the “black screen of death” for Unix OS’s)

The most guaranteed way to make the Linux kernel panic, is to tell it Chuck Norris is mad at it.

If Chuck Norris wrote Linux it would be called Chux and you would literally need to boot it.

Actually…. if Chuck Norris wrote Linux, you couldn’t boot it, it would boot you.

Chux doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.

Chuck Norris needs neither “Help” nor “Support”, those are for his enemies!

Chux need no antivirus… viruses need anti-Chux.

Chuck Norris plays 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time. LULLZZZ :D

Chux does not connect to servers. Servers beg permission to connect to Chux.

Chuck Norris binary: all 1’s (no 001101111100011 just 1)

Web pages on a Chux server are handled perfectly by IE6. No one dares question why.

With Chux, “sudo” is assumed. (sudo: Run selected commands/programs as root/administrator)

Chux cronjobs run whenever they decide to run! (Cron is a time-based job/process scheduler in Unix-like computer operating systems)

Regardless of size, ALL computers running Chux are Supercomputers

Chuck Norris put the “ch” in “chmod” to remind us that he owns everything. (chmod changes the permissions of each given file for write, read, execute in Unix-like computer operating systems)

When Chuck Norris types ’sudo’ he automatically becomes superuser for every Linux server in existence.

#! is the last thing you remember hearing after booting up Chux, because of the Round House Kick start bootloader.

Chux can divide by zero.

Chux needs no browser because it holds the entire contents of the Internet in memory at all times.

There is no server version of Chux. Chuck serves no one.

If Chuck wrote Linux, developers would not be able to write bugs, bugs would be too scared to exist on chux.

i

I would like to use chucks linux too :)

If that were true, how do you explain the Chuck Norris botnet?
http://linux.slashdot.org/story/10/0...Routers-Modems

Probably Chuck Norris himseld never heard of it... 'cause when he does... the botnet's creator better run... :D

Oh, running's no use...ol' Chuck will catch up to them in no time (literally). :D

Why not make a Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan or Steven Seagal distro.

HAW HAW HAW

I could see the first two, but Steven Seagal? That guy is such a hack.

In Obamanix, when you try to use the 'mv' command, it automatically redistributes the file to all directories.

I did not even know who Chuck Norris was until I read the wiki after looking over this thread. Is he a super human? In India, we have similar goof facts about Rajnikanth.

@ Alexvader

I don't know If Chuck Norris uses linux or not, but I do know that Wil Wheaton ( i.e Star Trek: Next Generation) uses linux.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dv502 (Post 4206596)

@ Alexvader

I don't know If Chuck Norris uses linux or not, but I do know that Wil Wheaton ( i.e Star Trek: Next Generation) uses linux.

Hi... :)

Nice to know... :) I bet it's Slackware or Arch... :)

When Chuck Norris plays video games, he only needs one life.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Quote:

Originally Posted by leopard (Post 4206888)

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

lol .

if chuck norris used linux , windows would be to scared to put in it's how to's [how to remove linux]

Chuck Norris managed to count to infinity... twice.

Rajnikanth bought an acre of land with wells on four corners................. To play carrom :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumak (Post 4206846)

When Chuck Norris plays video games, he only needs one life.

I'll give him a bonus life, just in case his eyes and hands has slow down with age.

Of course, if we're referring to Chuck at his prime. one life is more than plenty. :)

Actually, Chuck Norris is an astute business man who has promoted and runs K1 or some such karate competition. He has parlayed his skills into a nice business and is probably a tycoon. I read somewhere that he also actively supports political party X in the US. Based on the types of films he acts in (Lone wolf McQuade, ranger etc)you can guess which party.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't raise himself up, He pushes the Earth down. :D

In fact, Chuck Norris went back in time and boinked Anne Torvalds, only Chuck Norris could produce offspring awesome enough to create Linux :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by dv502 (Post 4206102)

Why not make a Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan or Steven Seagal distro.

HAW HAW HAW

Joke's on you! :P
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/C...S._accountant)

Chuck Norris does not support political parties. They get down on the ground and do fifty headstand pushups. Chuck does one hundred, with one hand.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.
If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is in the kernel because he scares viruses and malware away. Which is why they're rare in linux.

Instead they flee to windows because they have a nerd Bill Gates who can't do cool things like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' Linux does not need no stinkin' kernel. The silicon just does what Chuck Norris says, without any software at all, because it is afraid of Chuck Norris!

All the ones become zeros in Chuck Norris' computers, because, beside Chuck Norris, one is nothing.

@Arcane: the Uncyclopedia, nice like the Onion for and by us... :D

LOL, thanks for unearthing this.

My first thought on reading the title was: hmm, sure he uses CRUX, because real men and suffering something something.

But Chux it is. It's probably very slow because Norris enjoys throttling so much (rimshot!).

Variation: What if McGyver was a Linux nerd?

They were going to name a bridge after Chuck Norris, but changed their mind. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

8bit

SIR CHRISTOPHER LEE
He was Dracula
He was a Bond Villain.
He was Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes.
He was Death.
He was Lucifer.
He was Count Dooku.
He was Saruman.
He was Lord Summerisle.
He recorded a heavy metal concept album about Charlemagne.
He hunted Nazis during WWII.
He was part of a secret agent unit called The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare
When told by Peter Jackson to imagine how a man being stabbed in the back sounds, he told him he didn't have to imagine it.
He's fluent in English, Italian, French, German, and Spanish: "moderately proficient" in Swedish, Russian, and Greek, and "conversational" in Mandarin Chinese.

Now, let's see Chuck Norris top that.

Christopher Lee – certainly one of the very greats.