Well, first of all, are you sure you need to install the KDM theme manually? I mean, if you go to the login manager in the KDE control center, can't you just install a theme that way (the whole .tar.gz, not decompressed)? I'm using Gnome right now, but when I was using KDE with Mepis, I seem to remember being able to just install the theme graphically.
If that doesn't work, you can do a search for the name of an existing theme to see what folders it pops up in.
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