Actually it isn't a mess at all. The drivers are pre-compiled
(for the 2.4.31 kernel) and included in /lib/modules/2.4.31.

'alsaconf' recognizes my 'card':

Multimedia audio controller: VIA Technologies, Inc. VT8233/A/8235/8237 AC97 Audio Controller (rev 50)

and selects the appropriate ALSA driver for it: snd-via82xx
(forget all the stuff about 'via82cxxx_audio'; that's the old OSS driver)

The ALSA driver simply refuses to be loaded by modprobe(insmod)
for some reason. If someone can suggest how I might find out
why this is so, problem solved.

I don't know if it's relevant, but while trying to troubleshoot
this problem by examining all of the 'devices' that are supposed
to be up and running, I noticed that /proc/asound is missing.

THE SOLUTION:

The bootup errors regarding the sound card device, which also recur
when you try to run 'alsaconf' reference an 'unresolved symbol'. This
is always a kernel problem. To eliminate it just enable game port
support in a kernel recompile. The snd-via82xx driver now loads with
the bootup message:

Loading ALSA mixer settings: /usr/bin/alsactl restore
Loading OSS compatability modules for ALSA

and if I manage to plug the speakers into the correct port, sound works.

By god, you don't actually need version 2.6.13

lsmod:

Module Size Used by Not tainted
snd-pcm-oss 36736 0 (unused)
snd-mixer-oss 12376 0 [snd-pcm-oss]
snd-via82xx 13344 1
snd-ac97-codec 58556 0 [snd-via82xx]
snd-pcm 54344 0 [snd-pcm-oss snd-via82xx snd-ac97-codec]
snd-timer 13764 0 [snd-pcm]
snd-mpu401-uart 3136 0 [snd-via82xx]
snd-rawmidi 12480 0 [snd-mpu401-uart]
snd-seq-device 3812 0 [snd-rawmidi]
snd 32772 1 [snd-pcm-oss snd-mixer-oss snd-via82xx snd-ac97-codec snd-pcm snd-timer snd-mpu401-uart snd-rawmidi snd-seq-device]
snd-page-alloc 4712 0 [snd-mixer-oss snd-via82xx snd-pcm snd-timer snd-rawmidi snd-seq-device snd]
soundcore 3652 4 [snd]
via-rhine 12528 1
mii 2368 0 [via-rhine]
crc32 2848 0 [via-rhine]

You would not BELEIVE how many irate customers call technical support with "My sound doesn't work....", then go to blaming everything that the manufacturer has ever done. Then they discover that they either don't have speakers, or not plugged in.

My four laws of computer service:

1. If all else fails, plug it in
2. If it only fails when the computer tech is not present, tape a picture of the tech on the inside of the case.
3. Peanut butter and jelly stuffed into the computer case can cause many issues, up to and including loss of the ability to use said computer for anything except toasting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
4. The sound only works if speakers or headphones are physically attached to the system in the correct port, and turned on.

A' Amen A' Amen A' Amen Amen Amen