I've been converted....
 

Ok guys, now is the time that I will scream, curse, and bust a blood vessel.

HOW DO I GET THIS BLOODY THING TO FRICKING WORK!? ARGH!

Anyways....
I have no clue how to do anything for the most party. I can't even figure out how to install flashplayer :-( .

Time to go find a forum and some bored knowledgeable people to help my n00b self.

Welcome to LQ!

Learn to search LQ, and use Google <Linux>

If you're so uptight this early in the game,
you should also read Linux is Not Windows