Linux equivalent of Real Alternative?
 

I hate RealPlayer, so what are my options?

Don't hate. Three hail marys and a genuine act of contrition for you my son.

Video Lan Client -- I use, works well straight out of the box for playing DVDs and video files. Video and audio on websites is OK and is getting better.
mplayer -- does everything under the sun but when I was first starting with Linux it didn't "just work" and I haven't played with it since. Try it first, because by reputation it is more powerful.
xine is another but I don't know any more about it.

apt-cache search also lists:

aview - A high quality ASCII art image viewer and video player
(just for the fun of watching films in ascii!!)
avifile-player - video player for AVI/ASF/WMF files

and quite a few more. If you have a debian or Ubuntu system, just search your apt index.

Regards, Tintenfisch