You are using a lot of jargon I am unfamiliar with.
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only managed to load Windows XP x 2 before being shot down in flames
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I have a trojan going on.
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EX-friend is gunning my IP address
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I found it and it disappeared and the screen jumped
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I am guessing that you suspect you have found some java-based malware on your computer - easy fix: remove the JRE - java won't run. If it is java-
script then you are running it in your browser - uninstall the app from your browser. Update the browser. Turn javascript off in the browser.
ClamAV and f-prot are good malware scanners for gnu/linux. We don't normally use them because linux security is normally very good. You usually only run malware as your own user and then only if you deliberately gave it permission to run.
It is possible to do this by accident if you log in as root all the time - never do this.
A clean reinstall will remove all malware.
If the malware is running from within one user - delete the user.
With friends like those, who needs enemies. Note - if he is doing it to you, then he is probably doing it to others. With diminished capacity, most jurisdictions will at least ban him from computers.
Note: You can restrict access to your laptop by minimising the services that you run and by configuring iptables to close all unused ports. Run a firewall.