How are you connecting them together? WIth a cross-over cable? Through a hub or a switch?
SSH should be very responsive. Sound like a duplex problem (one side half duplex and the other full ==> work but with a bunch of collision ==> slow response time).
Make sure both ethernet card are configured the same, either:
- auto-sense (it's a handshake process, both MUST be auto-sense)
- forced 100/full or 10/half
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