Does this exist?

Is there any dialup USB modem that can simply be plugged in and recognized by Linux? I'm talking ANY distro and ANY modem. After spending weeks reading "Hardware Compatibility Lists", I am starting to believe this doesn't exist.

No compiling. No drivers. No scanmodem, slmodemd, edit my wvdial.conf file, create hard links to my tty, etc.

Please answer the question in this format:

(Distro) and (Modem).

Please do not add any more information, thoughts, or ideas. For example, if you think the answer is (Distro) and (Modem) plus (some other thoughts or feelings in your brain), then you would fail the test. This also is not an acceptable answer:

(I don't like Windows or fascism), or (lazy people are decadent and soon the visigoths will come over the hills and rightly destroy our civilization).

Please do not use any verbs or adjectives or acronyms to answer this question. In fact, don't even sign your name. Here is an example of an acceptable answer to the question:

"Fedora 4 and Diamond Multimedia Diamond SupraMax 56K V.92 External USB Modem Model SM56USB"

If you need to sneak in a kernel number, that could be allowed. Think of this as a contest. To win, you have to imagine that maybe I work 80 hours a week, have children, and a spouse, am taking correspondence classes, and chose to use Linux because it is free and I am poor. So yes, the contest will be, who can help the poor?

When I read these forums, I like to pretend that everyone asking a question is striken by poverty. It really makes for entertaining reading when you imagine some 13 year old rich kid is insulting a 54 year old migrant farm worker. Of course, as a migrant farm worker, I spend 30 minutes each morning thanking the Penguin, teaching my children to adore the Penguin, and lighting candles on our altar for Chairman Mao-- so I am certainly not ungrateful.

(Distro) and (Modem).

Love,
Migrant Farm Workers Of the World, United

modem = D-Link DSB 560 USB modem, distro = SuSE 8.1

modem = D-Link DSB 560 USB modem, distro = SuSE 8.1

rationale
To "pass" I only need one example which has ever worked with any distro... so I found this:
http://archives.inmodems.org/13766... so any device which conforms to the CDC-ACM standards will be supported, out of the box, by any distro using 2.6 kernels.

modem = Diamond SupraMax External - (Serial) 56K Modem with USB to serial cable.
distro = RH9

modem = DSE/i536ep (External Serial) 56K Modem with USB to serial cable.
distro = RH9

rationale
Any serial modem can be turned into a usb modem with a serial-usb cable.
These are detected and configured in any linux distro set up to do this - the configuration was actually witnessed by me under RH9.

Poor folk usually have old/cheap computers. These computers usually have serial connectors with the possibility of ATI slots on the mobo as well.

ATI modems can be obtained like dirt from surplus electronics stores.
Similarily, serial modems are very cheap when they are second hand.

Hence - the question (about usb modems) dosn't often arise for poor people. When it does, it is because they have somehow got hold of a machine without any serial port - still unusual for cheap boxes. In which case, a serial modem usb-serial cable can still be had cheaper than a usb modem.

Very poor folk - it is still best to invest time rather than money. One should attempt to get any internal winmodem working first. If the time is not available, then they should stick with the windows OS which the second-hand computer came with.

extremely poor folk - cannot afford computers. Though the machines scavanged from the local tip may be converted into a range of jewelry and weapons which can be sold or used to catch food.

You don't really get to specify the format of a reply. You may try - it's just impolite.

Anyway - the expanded reply is more informative.