I GOT IT!
I was looking on Phoronix a while back and they mentioned that Ubuntu was slower in benchmarks against Fedora due to an old version of Mesa. Get a PPA with an experimental version of Mesa (10.6 vs the 10.3 that Ubuntu ships with), upgrade to kernel 3.17 via the Ubuntu Kernel PPA, and I suddenly get great performance! Not sure which one helped, as I implemented both at the same time, but Minecraft plays easily at 60 FPS now, have yet to try Portal 2, but I imagine that would play pretty well too.
I have no clue why the PPA mentioned earlier didn't do anything, but I can say for sure that this worked.
Thanks all for helping and getting me (somewhat) on the right track!
Now I just have to make a 1-click deal out of this...
Last edited by Ihatewindows522; 03-28-2015 at 11:48 AM.
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