Here's a site with all sorts of them http://rinkworks.com/stupid/

Here's one of my favorites. It's a tech support call:


Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"[

Oh I am in England - UK

"No Sex Please We are British" says the apt phrase

And The quote did apply to my teen years
/me weeps

Taken from a magazine
" Radio & Communications " Australia
( now defunct )
all credits to the original author - whoever

"If Dr Seuss were a Technical Writer"

Here's an easy game to play
Here's an easy thing to say
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port.
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash.
And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash.
And the data is corrupted 'cause your index doesnt hash'.
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash...

You cant say this ?
What a shame sir !
We'll find you another game to play sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house.
Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse.
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
thats repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss.
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse.
Then you might as well reboot and go out with a bang.
Cos as sure as I'm a poet - The suckers gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy getting sloppy on the disk.
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC.
Then you have to flash your memory.
And you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer...
and be sure to tell your mom.

-------------------------------------
live long and prosper
floppy

hahaha

I can't top the Dr Seuss rhyme

but....



Comprehending I.T. - Take One
Two I.T. guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."
The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail118.html

Wish I could come up with something of my own. Just wanted to share something that I didn't.

News Flash
Researchers have discovered what appears to be a "gravitational black hole" in Washington state in the USA. One researcher explains it like this; "a gravitational black hole is a fancy way of saying there is no gravity at all." When asked about the location of the "gravitational black hole" a researcher said: "it appears to be centered at 1 Microsoft Way Redmond, WA." "If there is no gravity there then why doesn't everything there just float off into space?" one reporter asked. Well explained a researcher: "we figure it's because Microsoft SUCKS so much!"

hehehe yeah..

Al Gore invented the internet!

There's SCO IP in the Linux kernel!

Microsoft Security!

I suppose this is Techie cos its on the web
why cant they do Aussie politicians

http://www.ilfoglio.it/uploads/camil...betterBush.htm

floppy

That was great, floppy.

hahaha, funny stuff especilly the Gentoo install one

Heres a good conspiracy theory

http://www.msu.edu/user/dynicrai/physics/dark.htm

I'll have a hunt around to see if I can find the original theory, its a good read

floppy


Edit

Took a bit a finding as the webpage has moved since I first saw it about 3 -4 yrs ago, anyway here it is

http://www.zerobeat.net/drakelist/darktheory.html

live long and prosper
floppy

Hi, this is supposed to be an old one, but it made me laugh.

==> 1. *WIFE 1.0* or *GIRLFRIEND 1.0* - SOFTWARE?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

TECH SUPPORT

Last year I upgraded *Girlfriend 1.0* to *Wife 1.0*
and noticed that the new program began unexpected
child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
programs and launches during system initialization
where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker-Night 2.1 and Beer-Bash 2.5
no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0
but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me?

Bruce M.

++++++

Dear Bruce,

This is a very common problem men complain about
but is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife
1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a
"UTILITIES and ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by
its creator to run everything.

WARNING! DO NOT try to un-install, delete or
purge the program from the system once installed.

Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous!

Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy
drive. Trying to un-install or remove Wife 1.0
will also destroy valuable system *resources*.

You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because
Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or
Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than
the original system.

Look in your manual under Warnings -

+ Alimony/Child Support

Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in
the background, while Wife 1.0 is running,
but eventually Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend 1.0
and a system conflict occurs.

This usually leads to a non-recoverable system crash.

Some users have tried to download similar products
such as *Fling.exe* or *OneNiteStand.exe*. Often
these systems have become infected with a fatal virus.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with
the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding
General Protection Faults (GPF's).

You must assume all responsibility for faults
and problems that might occur.

The best course of action will be to push the
*Apologize Button* on your computer and then
hit the *Reset Button* as soon as lock-up occurs.

System will run smooth as long as you take the
blame for all GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program
but is normally very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0

+ Monthly use of utilities such as TLC.exe and FTD.exe

+ Frequently download the *Communicator 7.4* LiveUpdate

Hope this helps...

TECH SUPPORT


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


_________________

There are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who dont.