This will probably sound odd coming from me but I would like to suggest not overthinking this and not getting too far ahead of yourself. This thread is entitled "marriage" and that is a very big step usually best considered for a rather long time. If you overthink this it can be interpreted as "desperate" or "needy" and that tends to create barriers or caution that can result in people misinterpreting your motives and outlook.

You may be looking so far down the line that you're courting a stubbed toe. Just find someone whose company you enjoy for starters. Clubs, hobbies, work, even shopping can be places where this can begin as you already have something in common. From what I can tell you are interested in things therefore you're fully capable of carrying on interesting conversation with at the very least some percentage of the population. Start there. Then maybe advanc e to conversation over coffee or whatever light activity suits you. Just see where it goes. The confidence it takes to allow relationships to take place on many levels translates into a safe feeling and, well... fun!

I can't list how many men I know who have said " When I'm single I can barely get a girl interested in me, but once I do, suddenly I have to keep large numbers of them at bay or be in danger of losing the one I have just found!" Think that through. It actually makes sense. Then, get casual and confident. You'll do just fine.

Totally accurate. My brother starts talking marriage on date 2 and wonders why there is never date 3.

I guess that for me it was like the song says: "Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see ..." :doh:

Not really. I am a young man and like all straight(yes i a am not freak! I have other reasons why i explore different stuff like boredom :D ) people i have hardwired built-in desire for opposite sex BUT i also was raised to believe in Higher Power soo..it is contradicting..i love women(even easy behaviour) and i love idea of Creator at same time but holy books say i need to do everything the right way but i do not know what is right or wrong anymore. All religions are somewhat debunked and approoved at this time on internet. It is no longer safe to blindly be ourselves..too much uncertain stuff. And i lost my childhood connection to BS detector years ago. I do not want to mess it all up by accident.

Yes, I signed my life away...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Bun...e:Al_Bundy.jpg

Just kidding. This is my second marriage and going on 15 years.

Truly joking:

Not buying it Fred G Sanford! :P

Meaning you never remarried.

Elizabeth is up there waiting for you to go up and see her when you finally have the "big one" (heart attack)

For those who don't understand, please look up the TV character Fred G. Sanford and also references about his deceased TV wife Elizabeth. I think there's a reference in just about every show and honestly do not believe there was ever any living character of her portrayed in the show.

However, for real: Best on that second one! Seems to be going fine. :)

You can have a religion without holy books (Who declared them holy? The people who wrote them!). The Chinese, Japanese, Indians, and a lot of other people do, including me. The Creator(s) surely have more interesting things to do than to regulate human sex lives!

it is not a hardwired built-in desire (for opposite sex). God would not create a homosexual if he does not allow them into Heaven. that is counter-intuitive. Think about it.

so it has to be something other that excuse some use, "I was born a homosexual" that causes someone to not have that desire for someone of the opposite sex.

even if someone says they do not believe in GOD it still goes into the counter-intuitive of creation as the mind set. Life cannot survive between two like sexes to carry on life itself beyond their own life expectancy.

therefore, again, what causes homosexuality has to be caused by other reasons then "nature" or God Himself. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on.

Homosexuality goes against all laws of nature.

this is not a bias option but a fact.

And this illustrates why, sadly, it is not possible to have honest discussions.

what? huh? what?

one man claims to be hard wired to desire someone of the opposite sex, not like them other "freaks" then I removing all bias show a logical reasoning on how no one can be hard wired to be attracted to anyone just by proofs that come from within life itself, in how life sustains itself through procreation between the opposite sexes even taking GOD out of the equation and you say it is a reason that no honest discussions can be held?

and that comment of yours in no way explains what you mean by an honest discussion.

My apologies, BW-userx, I was meaning to respond to the whole introduction of religion into the thread but I phrased myself badly. I mean no issue with your specific post.

You got it... That is one of my favorite tv shows! My first marriage didn't last 2 years, though we lived together for about 5 or so years before getting married.

It seems to me that if a lot of "holy books say" the same thing then it's likely they were inspired by the same source. Whether that source is God, some false prophet(s), or centuries of experience is for the reader to decide. At least there's the option of asking at least one of those possible sources, but I digress.

As for me, I've pretty much followed what some "holy books" say (as in, permanent one-on-one marriage if/when available, nothing 'on the side'), and it's worked pretty well so far. Not a guaranteed ticket to health and happiness, but going from the experiences of friends who choose other ways, I think I've taken the less painful route overall.

I'm all in favour of monogamous marriage (for other people obviously ;)), not just because it's Christian teaching, but because I can see that sex is an area in which people can hurt each other worse than in any other field of human life. So it makes sense that you shouldn't have sex except with someone who is pledged by solemn public vows not to hurt or betray or abandon you, and they shouldn't have sex with you unless you are prepared to make the same commitment. Furthermore traditional heterosexual marriage usually leads to the production of children, and children are best brought up in a stable environment.

You don't have to be religious to see the value of that.

Unfortunately this is exactly why I have BW-userx on ignore. Religious fundamentalists read religion into everything no matter how insignificant or ridiculous and call it "fact". What I refer to as "ridiculous" is the flying in the face of observable phenomena. Not only do so-called "straight" men and women sent to prison and any gender-specific institution (schools, camp, etc) fall back on "any port in a storm" behaviour in such environments but almost all mammals do also from time to time. Additionally ancient civilizations barely made any distinction whatsoever about choice of sex partner and it has existed in essentially every society ever known.

It is highly unlikely that any choice is actually hardwired since variations are so common. It seems to be simply a matter of preference and availability in most living things that are not single-gendered. Some beings can actually switch genders such as some sea horses. While sex drive is strongly related to the drive to procreate it's goal and motivation is not at all necessarily connected to offspring since most mammals, even humans until relatively recently, don't or didn't connect the two. It's immediate goal is driven by pleasure and instinct.

Simply put, things that "go against all laws of nature" are impossible by definition. Any sort of conclusion that says differently is a human construct and most definitely a "bias <sic> opinion" and NOT "a fact". Fundamentalists by definition cannot enter into logical argument since they firmly believe they have all the answers for everything in some ancient text written by ancient men who believed or pretended their writing hand was moved by the Creator of All Things, sort of an ultimate RTFM. ;)

Arcane - while you're not likely hardwired it is apparently your strong preference and that is as it should be since most modern humans desire relationships that at least offer the possibility of children so describing yourself so is a good thing since it means you have the odds on your side. You will likely find someone that suits and fits you, eventually. Just let it happen and try not to overthink it.