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Arcane 08-18-2017 02:56 PM

Single or married - how to know for sure?
 
Hi. As most of you know by now by my forum activity i am not easy person to communicate with. This is why i also have trouble finding suitable partner(girlfriend!). It somewhat ends up in wrong direction for unknown reason. I understand that problem is with me not them cause i was always considered wierd but i am normally different. I just have something that intervenes beyond my control. I am not sure if i should stay single to be able to care about woman in a hurt-free way or risk it and try more but with high possibility to unintentionally ruin their hope and dream about me being right person for them. I watched Game of Thrones as most do and it hit me that The Wall for some people could be destiny because God always needs someones for dirty jobs but at same time i can't honestly say i want to remove romance and love, which i also care about, completely from my life. I dunno. This is why i ask you advice what you think. Thanks.

justmy2cents 08-18-2017 03:03 PM

Blow and hookers

dugan 08-18-2017 04:36 PM

I've responded privately

Habitual 08-18-2017 06:38 PM

As if Marriage is solely Yes, or No.

What about the Widows and Widowers?

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, I get that, trust me. Quit trying and be yourself, it is better in the long run.
Thoughts can run away, (mine has for 40 some-odd years now) but you alone choose how to respond.

frankbell 08-18-2017 08:25 PM

I've been married twice and am currently not so.

Based on that extensive experience, I can offer only that getting married is a decision to make after you've met the girl/guy, not before.

Arcane 08-18-2017 11:41 PM

While thinking about it found this article..
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5140576
That could explain why despite having strong feelings about one girl she said No anyway(maybe even in song). Because it is written that i only need not strong feeling to be somewhat happy. I guess i was not wrong just misguided due to my uneducated preparation in feelings world. Signs were misunderstood but correct.
Quote:

Originally Posted by justmy2cents (Post 5749743)
Blow and hookers

And what is wrong with "easy behaviour girls"? Nothing! They deserve justice aswell which is true love. As a person who always believed higher power i will never agree that any life on this planet is without mission from that higher power. Also how come everyone only pretends they dont like them in public but privately go seek their attention anyway. Liars are not honest people.

jsbjsb001 08-19-2017 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmy2cents (Post 5749743)
Blow and hookers

:D :party: :party: :p

classic!!

BW-userx 08-19-2017 07:18 AM

buy or read some (a lot) of books on abnormal personality disorders and try to figure yourself out. then get some on behavior modification to try and fix yourself. This is assuming you do not have the $300 + an hour to talk to someone on this subject. If you did you'd not be posting it in here seeking advice.

Habitual 08-19-2017 08:01 AM

Volunteer at a Shelter.

woof

273 08-19-2017 09:40 AM

I would suggest signing up to some online dating sites and "getting some dating practice". Now, that does mean being very careful what information you allow online and where you meet the people so be very, very careful.
Being somebody who doesn't really get on with others very well I find that "dating" is weird and even people who say they "don't date" actually do but aren't aware of it -- it's all in the questions asked and the ways conversations go. Without some experience it's difficult to know how to deal with it -- rather like a job interview.
Of course, ideally, one would just naturally, as part of life, meet somebody with whom one gets along and, then, it may or may not lead to more -- but that's not how it works.

Arcane 08-19-2017 12:58 PM

Why does people always assume nonsense? Just because person is misunderstood due to being lonely does not mean i have disorders or malfunctions. Also it is not like i never have been in dating start phase, it just gets serious afterwards. I dunno. Maybe it is because my parents watched too many fairy tales when they got married. They expect me to be in another fairy tale but it is not easy for young people who are most of time misunderstood and complicated for valid reasons.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Habitual (Post 5749796)
As if Marriage is solely Yes, or No.

What about the Widows and Widowers?{…}

Well. Sure. But technically widowers and widowers are no longer married. Till death do us apart?
Quote:

Originally Posted by Habitual (Post 5749893)
Volunteer at a Shelter.

woof

Internet is full of haters. Nothing new.

273 08-19-2017 01:08 PM

You asked for advice and I, for one, was very honest here.
I wish you the best with whatever you do in your relationships and hope you and anyone you are with are happy. :)

Habitual 08-19-2017 03:58 PM

It's not about you.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5749975)
Well. Sure. But technically widowers and widowers are no longer married. Till death do us apart?

Internet is full of haters. Nothing new.

Tell us about it.
"Till death do us part" is the declaration.

Who's hating?
Volunteering is good therapy.

and I never said what kind of shelter. I left that up to you.
I thought we were trying to offer some consolation here, really.
I took your post personally, so tossing out the "haters" kinda stings.

End Transmission.

Arcane 08-19-2017 04:22 PM

OK. Maybe i got too defensive but that prooves my point. People become offensive for no valid reason because they fail to not judge book by it's cover. Thanks for advice.

BW-userx 08-19-2017 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5750017)
OK. Maybe i got too defensive but that prooves my point. People become offensive for no valid reason because they fail to not judge book by it's cover. Thanks for advice.

Quote:

" I understand that problem is with me not them cause i was always considered weird but i am normally different.
normally different:

When standards set by person or persons to dictate what normal is, which ones culture too is taken into consideration to determine what is considered normal (behavior) .

to be different than that cultural norms would one then be tagged as an "out sider".

to say one is considered weird by others is a very broad statement. I too could be considered weird by others all because I eat my food different then the others do, this does not make me a social out case or normally different. does it? I do not think so.


I do not know how anyone could get what your personality is truly like just by your description of what you say "others" say about you.


" God always needs someones for dirty jobs" and the Game of Thrones had to do with any bearing on this. The Game of Thrones is just someone fantasy displayed for others to watch.
and that God thing needing others for the dirty jobs? like to avenge others? if yes then that is a false belief.

ondoho 08-19-2017 11:48 PM

Try to find out more about yourself.
what makes you tick.
I (and many people) tend to repeat my childhood experiences in their relationships. unconsciously always again and agaian finding the person that...
woman == mother
man == father
it's a little simplistic, but psyches often are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5750017)
OK. Maybe i got too defensive but that prooves my point.

i think you got pretty offensive there.
i couldn't care less as far as LQ is concerned, but maybe you should apply what you learn/experience here on the forums to your real life, and vice versa.

hazel 08-20-2017 06:22 AM

Why does everyone have this idea that you are supposed to have a romance and get married? That if you don't, there must be something wrong with you?

Arcane, you probably aren't the marrying type, just as I'm not the marrying type. I'm 72 now and still happily single. Je ne regrette rien.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept that you have a vocation to celibacy.

Pastychomper 08-21-2017 07:32 AM

Arcane, good on you for being willing to recognise the "problem" is with you. Whatever your oddities, if you want love, romance, even marriage, then don't let your own "weirdness" put you off. You just need to find someone who can live with it.

I know someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome as an adult. Later on he got into a relationship and told the lady repeatedly that he doesn't think or communicate like others do, and that he was not a safe choice. Knowing that, and knowing him, she chose to accept both - and it's worked so far.

As for me, I would make an OK hermit and many people over the years have tried to explain my "weirdness" with theories including autism (even before it became "fashionable"), childhood trauma (really,I don't think the BBC Master was that bad), or simple misanthropy. None has been proven so far. I learned to accept my self, and gravitate to others who can do the same.

I did eventually get married, to someone who has some similar quirks, and while the similarities sometimes cause friction we're better qualified than most to deal with it. And like a good Linux distro, SWMBO was worth every bit of effort, study, frustration, and hair loss required for installation. Again, it's worked so far. I can also think of several more apparently "typical" people (or Muggles, as I prefer to call them) who got divorced after a few years or even months. Success is more about the work you both put in than how "normal" you can be.

justmy2cents 08-21-2017 10:21 AM

Quote:

And what is wrong with "easy behaviour girls"? Nothing! They deserve justice aswell which is true love. As a person who always believed higher power i will never agree that any life on this planet is without mission from that higher power. Also how come everyone only pretends they dont like them in public but privately go seek their attention anyway. Liars are not honest people.
Nothing and I personally love them, but I would never marry a girl like that and that's just common sense.. And I'll have to agree with Hazel (minus the celibacy part), that it's a common misconception that you have to get married, or find a partner in order to be happy. But that's not true, there's nothing wrong with being alone, as some of the most awe inspiring things that people from around the world go to travel to see, are in soltiude, like the mountains, or the Moon, Sun, etc.. You should look into meditation..

rtmistler 08-21-2017 02:47 PM

These are my opinions only. I'm old and have grown children, where I'm hoping they'll have children I can have fun with (poke-POKE!!!!). I also grew up with an inclination to be scientific and watched plenty of Star Trek while launching Estes model rockets.

I never met any girls watching TV or launching rockets. You can stop by and my wife will regale you with the romantic story of how we met at a softball game. I can tell it, however I'm not judged to put enough 'wow' into the story.

Since you wrote, my impression is that you wish to meet someone special or explore relationships, and also that you've tried some and they didn't work out.

Well, love is a lot like a batting average, you strike out a lot, hit a lot of foul balls, or sometimes draw a walk. And to extend that analogy, you don't always score when you get on base. This means you should try at it and not give up.

I found my wife when I was not looking. (see above, at a softball game when I was soon to leave for a military enlistment). In fact, I can't find the thread, but a few months ago I commented about short cuts, as in driving short cuts and made a comment about meeting my wife. I said that my friend got lost on a date with her taking a very ill advised shortcut where he buried his car in mud, and that I later married her.

I made myself a happy person, and did stuff I enjoyed. Meanwhile my definition of enjoying life involved going out there into the world, not going online, or sitting on the couch playing video games. There's nothing wrong with personal alone time, playing video games, or being online. However I do feel you need to be "in person" with .... people. This includes people you're not interested in dating.

The human race is a society, we seem to be social animals. And I don't feel that I've traded my soul or anything in particular of my psyche in order to be a married father.

Just to note also. "Life" while the utmost thing for all of us, is not high octane, full speed ahead all the time, and in fact for most of the time, potentially very boring. You can find yourself sitting in a hospital room plastic chair, curled up like a cat, trying to sleep, because your 1 year old has "the croup" and they need to be, "under observation". You could be the required braid'er of hair, as I was for my daughter, for about 12 years. Even though Mom could do a much better job, this was deemed to be Dad's job. So I can braid hair. Add to that, baths, story time, and various other stuff.

Those experiences are some small parts of 28 years. Sit still for 28 seconds and do nothing. Pretty boring. Multiply by a hundred million.

Go on out there and have experiences. They don't have to be movie scenes or beautiful love songs.

The right person for you is not someone you have to change for, or you want to change. Meanwhile, it doesn't hurt to shave, take showers, put on fresh clothes, ... :D

Arcane 08-21-2017 03:06 PM

Thanks again. This idea that being single does not make anyone error of nature is comforting. Sooner or later life fixes anyway for everyone.
http://reformedcollective.com/2017/0...gle-purpose-2/

Germany_chris 08-21-2017 06:56 PM

I'm a loner that needs lots of silence and even when I'm not by myself I'm not a big talker and my small talk is almost non-existent. In October I'll have been married 13 years, while I don't have any keys to success I've always dated outgoing women and I married the strong and outgoing one. My wife compensates for me in public and I'm the person she bounces ideas off and complains to, I listen without much commentary and I fix if she wants but no matter my opinion on what she's telling me I've always got her back. When we fight we really fight, she's kicked me out multiple times, cuffed me in the jaw, and will unleash the fire that is her mouth as hard as I do but in the end we always make "it" happen. We're bonded at the hip and two sides of the same fiery coin so that's my only recommendation find someone who doesn't take any guff and compliments your weak points.

sundialsvcs 08-23-2017 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Habitual (Post 5749893)
Volunteer at a Shelter.
woof

... or, volunteer at a human shelter. You have not lived until your back is sore from carrying one 40-lb container of hot soup after another after another. You have not lived until your eyes meet.

sundialsvcs 08-23-2017 01:41 PM

30 years this year (wow ...), and I still don't know how I got to be the luckiest guy on the planet. (Maybe I followed my parents ... sixty-one years and counting.)

But seriously, it takes a lot of patience and determination on the part of both of you, and you must never, ever take it for granted. You will fight – no two people can be wholly committed to something without there being conflict – but you will prize the greater thing that you have, above and beyond the fight, and above and beyond yourselves. The two of you can craft a foundation that cannot be moved, and keep it that way. But, it will be a choice that you make and re-make, every single day.

"And I show unto you a mystery ..." Indeed.

vmccord 08-23-2017 03:03 PM

I'm a weirdo. Twenty years ago I did not want to be weirdo. I wanted the things that I did not think I could have because I am a weirdo: a husband, two kids, a dog, a mortgage, and a white picket fence. I married someone who was attractively normal. Fast forward twenty years. After five years of big-time, heart wrenching, agonizing couples therapy I finally learned who I was and what was important to me. More importantly, I learned I have to meet the other person in the middle. And most importantly, I learned that If meeting the other person in the middle takes you too far away from who you are then the relationship is not a good fit.

I hope that makes sense. A relationship is the intersection in a Venn diagram. You have to be willing to extend yourself because you want to. Extending yourself does not mean changing who you are, it means deciding for yourself what is super important to you, your values, your sense of self and what areas are open for negotiation to accommodate what is super important to the other person, his/her values, and his/her sense of self.

In terms of practical advice: Match.com. There is a reason they are expensive. You get what you pay for. But there's no point if you aren't sure that you actually want to take on the work.

hazel 08-23-2017 03:37 PM

I don't see myself as a weirdo. Eccentric perhaps, but that's a term of approval in England. However I am definitely asexual. This is a sexual orientation in its own right, though not a well known or generally approved one. It's simply the way some people are, like being gay or bi.

I knew by the time I was ten that I didn't want children. I remember worrying about how I would explain this to my husband (who presumably would want a son). But within a couple of years, I had realised that I didn't actually want the husband either!

To this day I don't understand how it is logically or psychologically possible to desire another person. You can desire things obviously. You can desire experiences like sexual pleasure -- but that's an easy desire to satisfy. You can give yourself an orgasm as readily as you can fry yourself a steak. But a person? It's a complete mystery to me.

justmy2cents 08-23-2017 05:45 PM

I'd imagine it differs for woman than men, but for men (and know this cause im a man) its like waking up to beautiful sunset everyday.. For a woman, I believe there was an acronym called A.R.D.A, (I got this from a movie ; activities you can share together, romance, danger, adventure) woman like that kinda stuff... But rule #1 always love yourself first, as you don't really have anything if you don't at least have yourself..

sundialsvcs 08-23-2017 07:58 PM

Marriage is not necessarily about sex and/or children. My brother had three. Goody for him ... I dote on them, then we leave. We didn't want rug-rats of our own, and that was that. On the other hand, he's lovin' every minute of it, as it damn well should be. Goody for him.

(hazel) If you ever find that person – enjoy. And if not – enjoy. If you're not even looking – enjoy! The desire to spend one's life with another person is not simply a matter of hormones or pheromones. :) (Or, necessarily, gender. I know a pair of men who've been in a strong relationship for more than twenty-five years. "It's not my our thing, but hey." If two adult human beings find any sort of bond that withstands decades, I think that's a precious thing worth celebrating, because not too many couples in this world ever find it – or, keep it.)

"To thine own self be true."

jsbjsb001 08-24-2017 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundialsvcs (Post 5751441)
Marriage is not necessarily about sex and/or children. My brother had three. Goody for him ... I dote on them, then we leave. We didn't want rug-rats of our own, and that was that. On the other hand, he's lovin' every minute of it, as it damn well should be. Goody for him.

(hazel) If you ever find that person – enjoy. And if not – enjoy. If you're not even looking – enjoy! The desire to spend one's life with another person is not simply a matter of hormones or pheromones. :) (Or, necessarily, gender. I know a pair of men who've been in a strong relationship for more than twenty-five years. "It's not my our thing, but hey." If two adult human beings find any sort of bond that withstands decades, I think that's a precious thing worth celebrating, because not too many couples in this world ever find it – or, keep it.)

"To thine own self be true."

Kinda with sundialsvcs (and most other members) on this one, Arcane. Don't worry about what others think, as in my experience, others making such judgements about you are ether, insecure themselves, like judging others and/or like putting others down, to make themselves feel better, in other words, usually pretty selfish people, and/or what most would call know-it-all's.

My father expected me to marry and have kids (I voted "No") and it's like, do I get a say in this? It's only MY life your talking about!

As he was ONLY thinking of himself and his own wants, and is a pretty selfish guy to be honest. On one hand I guess it would be nice to have that, but on the other hand, kinda happy NOT to have the responsibility as well, maybe one day, maybe not.

If your not happy within yourself, it does not matter, who you are with, you will probably still be unhappy.

Make up your own mind what you what out of life, best of luck with it! :)

vmccord 08-24-2017 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jsbjsb001 (Post 5751526)
My father expected me to marry and have kids (I voted "No") and it's like, do I get a say in this? It's only MY life your talking about!

Both my parents were like this. They said they wished they could keep my ex and let me go. My ex comes across as so normal. (25 years and I know that's not quite accurate.)

enorbet 08-27-2017 02:10 PM

This will probably sound odd coming from me but I would like to suggest not overthinking this and not getting too far ahead of yourself. This thread is entitled "marriage" and that is a very big step usually best considered for a rather long time. If you overthink this it can be interpreted as "desperate" or "needy" and that tends to create barriers or caution that can result in people misinterpreting your motives and outlook.

You may be looking so far down the line that you're courting a stubbed toe. Just find someone whose company you enjoy for starters. Clubs, hobbies, work, even shopping can be places where this can begin as you already have something in common. From what I can tell you are interested in things therefore you're fully capable of carrying on interesting conversation with at the very least some percentage of the population. Start there. Then maybe advanc e to conversation over coffee or whatever light activity suits you. Just see where it goes. The confidence it takes to allow relationships to take place on many levels translates into a safe feeling and, well... fun!

I can't list how many men I know who have said " When I'm single I can barely get a girl interested in me, but once I do, suddenly I have to keep large numbers of them at bay or be in danger of losing the one I have just found!" Think that through. It actually makes sense. Then, get casual and confident. You'll do just fine.

vmccord 08-28-2017 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enorbet (Post 5752549)
This will probably sound odd coming from me but I would like to suggest not overthinking this and not getting too far ahead of yourself. This thread is entitled "marriage" and that is a very big step usually best considered for a rather long time. If you overthink this it can be interpreted as "desperate" or "needy" and that tends to create barriers or caution that can result in people misinterpreting your motives and outlook.

Totally accurate. My brother starts talking marriage on date 2 and wonders why there is never date 3.

sundialsvcs 08-28-2017 01:44 PM

I guess that for me it was like the song says: "Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see ..." :doh:

Arcane 09-04-2017 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hazel (Post 5750145)
Why does everyone have this idea that you are supposed to have a romance and get married? That if you don't, there must be something wrong with you?

Arcane, you probably aren't the marrying type, just as I'm not the marrying type. I'm 72 now and still happily single. Je ne regrette rien.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept that you have a vocation to celibacy.

Not really. I am a young man and like all straight(yes i a am not freak! I have other reasons why i explore different stuff like boredom :D ) people i have hardwired built-in desire for opposite sex BUT i also was raised to believe in Higher Power soo..it is contradicting..i love women(even easy behaviour) and i love idea of Creator at same time but holy books say i need to do everything the right way but i do not know what is right or wrong anymore. All religions are somewhat debunked and approoved at this time on internet. It is no longer safe to blindly be ourselves..too much uncertain stuff. And i lost my childhood connection to BS detector years ago. I do not want to mess it all up by accident.

FredGSanford 09-05-2017 10:14 AM

Yes, I signed my life away...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Bun...e:Al_Bundy.jpg

Just kidding. This is my second marriage and going on 15 years.

rtmistler 09-05-2017 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FredGSanford (Post 5755822)
Yes, I signed my life away...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Bun...e:Al_Bundy.jpg

Just kidding. This is my second marriage and going on 15 years.

Truly joking:

Not buying it Fred G Sanford! :P

Meaning you never remarried.

Elizabeth is up there waiting for you to go up and see her when you finally have the "big one" (heart attack)

For those who don't understand, please look up the TV character Fred G. Sanford and also references about his deceased TV wife Elizabeth. I think there's a reference in just about every show and honestly do not believe there was ever any living character of her portrayed in the show.

However, for real: Best on that second one! Seems to be going fine. :)

DavidMcCann 09-05-2017 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5755542)
holy books say i need to do everything the right way

You can have a religion without holy books (Who declared them holy? The people who wrote them!). The Chinese, Japanese, Indians, and a lot of other people do, including me. The Creator(s) surely have more interesting things to do than to regulate human sex lives!

BW-userx 09-05-2017 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5755542)
people i have hardwired built-in desire for opposite sex

it is not a hardwired built-in desire (for opposite sex). God would not create a homosexual if he does not allow them into Heaven. that is counter-intuitive. Think about it.

so it has to be something other that excuse some use, "I was born a homosexual" that causes someone to not have that desire for someone of the opposite sex.

even if someone says they do not believe in GOD it still goes into the counter-intuitive of creation as the mind set. Life cannot survive between two like sexes to carry on life itself beyond their own life expectancy.

therefore, again, what causes homosexuality has to be caused by other reasons then "nature" or God Himself. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on.

Homosexuality goes against all laws of nature.

this is not a bias option but a fact.

273 09-05-2017 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BW-userx (Post 5755862)
it is not a hardwired built-in desire (for opposite sex). God would not create a homosexual if he does not allow them into Heaven. that is counter-intuitive. Think about it.

so it has to be something other that excuse some use, "I was born a homosexual" that causes someone to not have that desire for someone of the opposite sex.

even if someone says they do not believe in GOD it still goes into the counter-intuitive of creation as the mind set. Life cannot survive between two like sexes to carry on life itself beyond their own life expectancy.

therefore, again, what causes homosexuality has to be caused by other reasons then "nature" or God Himself. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on.

Homosexuality goes against all laws of nature.

this is not a bias option but a fact.

And this illustrates why, sadly, it is not possible to have honest discussions.

BW-userx 09-05-2017 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 273 (Post 5755871)
And this illustrates why, sadly, it is not possible to have honest discussions.

what? huh? what?

one man claims to be hard wired to desire someone of the opposite sex, not like them other "freaks" then I removing all bias show a logical reasoning on how no one can be hard wired to be attracted to anyone just by proofs that come from within life itself, in how life sustains itself through procreation between the opposite sexes even taking GOD out of the equation and you say it is a reason that no honest discussions can be held?

and that comment of yours in no way explains what you mean by an honest discussion.

273 09-05-2017 02:49 PM

My apologies, BW-userx, I was meaning to respond to the whole introduction of religion into the thread but I phrased myself badly. I mean no issue with your specific post.

FredGSanford 09-05-2017 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rtmistler (Post 5755826)
Truly joking:

Not buying it Fred G Sanford! :P

Meaning you never remarried.

Elizabeth is up there waiting for you to go up and see her when you finally have the "big one" (heart attack)

For those who don't understand, please look up the TV character Fred G. Sanford and also references about his deceased TV wife Elizabeth. I think there's a reference in just about every show and honestly do not believe there was ever any living character of her portrayed in the show.

However, for real: Best on that second one! Seems to be going fine. :)

You got it... That is one of my favorite tv shows! My first marriage didn't last 2 years, though we lived together for about 5 or so years before getting married.

Pastychomper 09-06-2017 07:36 AM

It seems to me that if a lot of "holy books say" the same thing then it's likely they were inspired by the same source. Whether that source is God, some false prophet(s), or centuries of experience is for the reader to decide. At least there's the option of asking at least one of those possible sources, but I digress.

As for me, I've pretty much followed what some "holy books" say (as in, permanent one-on-one marriage if/when available, nothing 'on the side'), and it's worked pretty well so far. Not a guaranteed ticket to health and happiness, but going from the experiences of friends who choose other ways, I think I've taken the less painful route overall.

hazel 09-06-2017 09:29 AM

I'm all in favour of monogamous marriage (for other people obviously ;)), not just because it's Christian teaching, but because I can see that sex is an area in which people can hurt each other worse than in any other field of human life. So it makes sense that you shouldn't have sex except with someone who is pledged by solemn public vows not to hurt or betray or abandon you, and they shouldn't have sex with you unless you are prepared to make the same commitment. Furthermore traditional heterosexual marriage usually leads to the production of children, and children are best brought up in a stable environment.

You don't have to be religious to see the value of that.

enorbet 09-06-2017 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 273
<Quote:
Originally Posted by BW-userx View Post
it is not a hardwired built-in desire (for opposite sex). God would not create a homosexual if he does not allow them into Heaven. that is counter-intuitive. Think about it.

so it has to be something other that excuse some use, "I was born a homosexual" that causes someone to not have that desire for someone of the opposite sex.

even if someone says they do not believe in GOD it still goes into the counter-intuitive of creation as the mind set. Life cannot survive between two like sexes to carry on life itself beyond their own life expectancy.

therefore, again, what causes homosexuality has to be caused by other reasons then "nature" or God Himself. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on.

Homosexuality goes against all laws of nature.

this is not a bias option but a fact.> <end BW-userx>

<Quote=273>
And this illustrates why, sadly, it is not possible to have honest discussions.

Unfortunately this is exactly why I have BW-userx on ignore. Religious fundamentalists read religion into everything no matter how insignificant or ridiculous and call it "fact". What I refer to as "ridiculous" is the flying in the face of observable phenomena. Not only do so-called "straight" men and women sent to prison and any gender-specific institution (schools, camp, etc) fall back on "any port in a storm" behaviour in such environments but almost all mammals do also from time to time. Additionally ancient civilizations barely made any distinction whatsoever about choice of sex partner and it has existed in essentially every society ever known.

It is highly unlikely that any choice is actually hardwired since variations are so common. It seems to be simply a matter of preference and availability in most living things that are not single-gendered. Some beings can actually switch genders such as some sea horses. While sex drive is strongly related to the drive to procreate it's goal and motivation is not at all necessarily connected to offspring since most mammals, even humans until relatively recently, don't or didn't connect the two. It's immediate goal is driven by pleasure and instinct.

Simply put, things that "go against all laws of nature" are impossible by definition. Any sort of conclusion that says differently is a human construct and most definitely a "bias <sic> opinion" and NOT "a fact". Fundamentalists by definition cannot enter into logical argument since they firmly believe they have all the answers for everything in some ancient text written by ancient men who believed or pretended their writing hand was moved by the Creator of All Things, sort of an ultimate RTFM. ;)

Arcane - while you're not likely hardwired it is apparently your strong preference and that is as it should be since most modern humans desire relationships that at least offer the possibility of children so describing yourself so is a good thing since it means you have the odds on your side. You will likely find someone that suits and fits you, eventually. Just let it happen and try not to overthink it.

dave@burn-it.co.uk 09-07-2017 09:07 AM

You're trying too hard.
Just relax and go out and have fun, but not in a tight boys group, and something will happen.

Arcane 10-30-2017 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dave@burn-it.co.uk (Post 5756489)
You're trying too hard.
Just relax and go out and have fun, but not in a tight boys group, and something will happen.

Actually in this case people think i am not trying enough or even sonsidering similar nonsense like in this video(i know i am not king but human but that is not the point..watch video) and taking solo idea too seriously(i simply have doubts it will work correctly due to personality mismatch), part of it is because i had problematic past as child, but thanks for response. Delayed reply due to work which prevents normal(from wifi not mobile data) internet use for weeks..

BTW: What do you think about modern wave feminism and mgtow? I think those movements are ruining healthy civilisation..

vmccord 10-30-2017 02:25 PM

If you mean feminism where it's ok that I have a job.....then yeah, I'm happy to see the backside of that civilisation.

dugan 10-30-2017 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vmccord (Post 5752892)
Totally accurate. My brother starts talking marriage on date 2 and wonders why there is never date 3.

I've known people who are on websites that cater to people who are looking not for dates, but for marriage.

The website I saw was in India. I'm sure there are others elsewhere.

sundialsvcs 10-30-2017 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rtmistler (Post 5755826)
For those who don't understand, please look up the TV character Fred G. Sanford and also references about his deceased TV wife Elizabeth. I think there's a reference in just about every show and honestly do not believe there was ever any living character of her portrayed in the show.

Somehow, it is fitting that Redd Foxx died ... of a heart attack ... such that people at first thought he was joking.


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