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Sage words of Wisdom

I found this on the trailerSailor board that I hang out on. Sage words, sans doubt. :) :) :D :D :D :D :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." ~ Ernest Hemingway ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! ~ "Unknown"

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Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Quote:

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! ~ "Unknown"

LOL - the best!

Hmmm, it must be friday. :D

I'd rather have a bottle infront of me than a frontal lobotomy. [unknown]

Beer was the stuff to drink until that nasty light beer crap was released so I moved on to rum. nice quotes by the way.

Code:

Sam:  What will you have, Norm?

Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass of whatever

      comes out of that tap.

Sam:  Oh, looks like beer, Norm.

Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

                -- Cheers, The Executive's Executioner

My favourite!

Quote:

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields

Quote:

Starkle, starkle little twink, who da hell you are i think. I'm not as drunk as some thinkle peep I am. Besides I've only had tee martoonies and all day sober to Sunday up in. I fool so feelish, i don't know whos me yet, but the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
--Unknown

Quote:

Mmmm... beer.
-- Homer Simpson

Quote:

Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve your garden. Come on, if that was true, wouldn't frat houses be like tropical rain forests?
-- Jay Leno

Quote:

Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar, "Bring on the friggin' cat!"
-- Unknown

Woody: mr Peterson, would you like a beer?
Norm: Isn't it too early?
Woody: Too early for beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions!

'Xcuse me while I go pour myself a cold one...and, endorphinjunkie, I'll get one for you too! :D