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Old 10-20-2021, 12:04 PM   #1
newbiesforever
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my new bar joke


Two people walked into a bar...and someone beat up someone else who started to tell a bar joke.
 
Old 10-20-2021, 08:31 PM   #2
frankbell
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A magician walked down the street and turned into a bar.
 
Old 10-20-2021, 11:07 PM   #3
michaelk
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer? The bartender say for you no charge.
 
Old 10-20-2021, 11:11 PM   #4
michaelk
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A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.
 
Old 10-21-2021, 04:16 AM   #5
ondoho
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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half of what the previous guy has, so does the third, and so on.
After a while of this the bartender (who is a physicist) asks them to stop, draws two beers and says, "Here. You fellas ought to know your limits."
____________________

A programmer's wife was sending him to the corner store. She told him, "Get a loaf of bread. And if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returned and put twelve loaves of bread on the table. "Why did you get so much bread?" she asked.
He replied, "They had eggs."

 
Old 10-21-2021, 05:37 PM   #6
michaelk
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A flat, C flat and E flat walk into a bar and ask for a beer. The bartender says we don't serve minors.
 
Old 10-21-2021, 11:14 PM   #7
fido_dogstoyevsky
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A Scot, a Pole and an Australian walk into a bar; the bartender looks up and asks "is this some kind of joke?"
 
Old 10-22-2021, 02:52 AM   #8
GentleThotSeaMonkey
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Slackware walked into a bar; Yggdrasil left. 4K others; Slack stayed.

Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password?
Bartender: you need to buy a drink first
Me: Nope. Not "You need to buy a drink first"
Bartender: Go post this on LQ/r/kali: bash: Ls: command not found
Me: Oh, I get it! Works now! Thanks! I'm glad I didn't need to buy a drink first

Last edited by GentleThotSeaMonkey; 10-26-2021 at 01:33 AM.
 
Old 10-22-2021, 09:52 PM   #9
frankbell
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I think we have succeeded in lowering the bar.
 
Old 10-24-2021, 11:13 AM   #10
michaelk
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A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender said we don't serve food.
 
Old 10-24-2021, 11:19 AM   #11
Turbocapitalist
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A rope walks up to a bar but the bouncer turns him away, saying that ropes aren't allowed.

So, the rope walks away, ties himself in a bow and unravels his ends a bit.

When he walks back to the bar, the bouncer says "hey, aren't you that rope we just turned away?"

To which the rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"
 
Old 10-24-2021, 01:55 PM   #12
rokytnji
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An old drunk walks in the the toughest biker bar. He immediately Scans the crowd until he find the toughest biker in the bar
The guy is a Monster or a man and looks very dangerous. The old drunken man sits down on a bar stool next to him and says loudly, “Hey buddy! Hey! Tough guy! Why don’t you buy me a beer before I go home and go bang your mom!”

The crowd goes silent; they know this biker has killed for far less. But he just sits there turning red. The old guy continues: “You know I banged your mom last week too! She LOVED it!!”

Again, the crowd waits for the big biker to kill the olds drunk. But he just sits there getting angrier and angrier. The old man says: “I’m going to give it to her so hard tonight! She won’t walk right after I’m done with her! What do you think about that, big guy??”

Suddenly the massive biker stands up, spins the old drunk towards him, grabs his shoulders and says “Goddamit dad, go home! You’re drunk!”
 
Old 10-24-2021, 02:28 PM   #13
enigma9o7
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Two guys at a bar decide to go hunting in the nearby woods. One of them accidentally shoots his buddy, freaks out, and dials emergency services on his phone...
Operator: What is nature of your emergency?
Hunter: I accidentally shot my friend and I think he's dead!
Operator: Okay remain calm. First, I want you to make sure your friend is in fact dead.
Hunter: Ok just a sec.... <BANG!> Alright, I'm sure...
 
Old 10-25-2021, 11:32 PM   #14
ondoho
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^ now that's my type of humour.
I also love how quickly & elegantly you turned it into a bar joke.
 
Old 10-27-2021, 10:40 AM   #15
sundialsvcs
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I think that I see where this is going: "The bar joke mega-thread ..."
 
  


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