How to raise a child between agnostic parent and believer relatives?
My mother tells me to pray to God and ask him to increase my salary/happiness/safety etc. I can deal with my mother. My in-laws ask me to pray to the God before embarking on a journey. I do as they wish (to make them happy (not a big deal for me)). Now, when my relatives tell my future child to pray to God for the above mentioned reasons, how should I explain to him(child) that this God didn't protect the gas chamber victims so there is no reason that you should expect him to help you to get good grades in exams, etc? I think the child will ask - then why is the grand mother praying to God? I don't have an answer to this. My brother and his wife have taught their child (2 years old) that if you do bad things God will punish you. I want my child to not to do bad things because the bad things are bad, not because God is going to punish. I want that when he grows up (about 15 years of age) then he should decide for himself whether he wants to follow religion or not till then he should have a free mind. He should be dependent on himself for his acts, not on God. |
Tell your relatives to mind their own business.
EDIT: Anisha is responding to an earlier version of this post, which read: "Just use the phrase 'God helps those who help themselves'" I thought better of it. Just do what any westerner would do and tell your relatives to mind their own business. |
That's not true, IMO, and I don't want to lie to my child.
There will be several (simple) cases where this saying will/has fail(ed), and I won't have any answers at that time. Actually, these kind of saying lead to an indirect dependence on God. I used to follow that, that's why I know. I just want this God thing not to have any impact on my child till he is 15. I wonder how do people deal with this in real life! |
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to mind their own business. Cultural difference. They perform Yagyas/Hawans in their home, and I just don't know what to tell my child about what's happening there! Quote:
Every comic book for children has these fairies, and witches. I don't know if it is wise to first explain to a child that the fairy did that, and then if he asks is it all true?? What to reply - yes, it is, but god is different than fairy? OR no, this story is to make you go to sleep! |
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Seriously, though, I would see nothing wrong with explaining the story behind the ritual, what your in-laws believe it does, and perhaps the history of why it's still performed. |
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about this topic in their presence. Now the problem is that my father in law regularly keeps on telling me how their Kuldevta reads mind, and can beat others (who don't respect his offerings) while being invisible all the time. I keep on nodding, and keep mum. Now what about the child? He is definitely going to tell him all those stories too. And I don't want my child to get "frightened" and live in fear!! |
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Use that. |
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The real problem is that a double standard is being applied. |
Oh, I don't have any problem with this forum topic, personally. Let it run for a while, if it will. It's no more "odd," or offensive, than running a poll about whether you'd hook your brain up to a computer. :rolleyes:
"Belief in ≤god≥" is a deeply seated part of human nature, as is being agnostic about such things. Let a child decide for himself or herself, exactly as you did and exactly as your relatives did. Let them be exposed at the same time to both viewpoints, because when they're out there in the real-world on their own, they're going to encounter that, every day. And their beliefs, or lack thereof, will be every bit as personal to them, as yours are to you, and your relatives' are to them. Children might not have much worldly-experience yet, because of their youth, but they do think sophisticated thoughts, just as you do and did. They're going to find their own way. And, they're going to find their own way to relate, both to people like your relatives and to people like you(!). Religious topics might be something that they want to talk about a lot, that they want to quickly express their opinions about, or they might prefer to listen and not speak, or they might prefer to ignore, change-the-subject, even shut the subject down. Everyone should have that privilege. And, over the course of everyone's life, that's likely to change and to evolve. |
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Talking to parents in such a way is NOT normal here. (If serious) These kinds of talks with parents can easily bring cracks in relations (specially when daughter in law is involved). Anyways, as I said I need to talk to the "child only". :) |
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If this seems ignorant, please remember i didn't read the whole wiki article. Quote:
The interest comes from fictional characters such as talking pigs and wolves, fairies, trolls ect. They're usually metaphors. I think the child will usually just know they're not real, but if they ask, just explain to the child that the characters aren't real, but there are other bad things in the world, and that's why you never talk to strangers ect. At this point, i would like to remind anyone, that i am only twenty three years old, have little knowledge on Hinduism, and don't have kids, or in laws. This is a forum where everyone may contribute. While what i say is my personal opinion on what i'd do under that situation, it is an opinion based entirely on your details and i can not possibly have personal knowledge of the situation such as individuals personalities ect that may influence the scenario. For this reason, what i say and for being on a forum, (especially in general) any information i give, and anyone elses as well for that matter, should be taken with a grain of salt. |
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Sooner or later your child will tell those relatives that what they say contradicts with what its mother said. Children are really good in spotting differences in what they are being told, but they are not good in knowing when it is better to not tell everyone. So sooner or later you will inevitably have to work that out with your relatives and I think it is better if you keep control over the "when" and "how", instead of letting the child "decide". |
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