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vinay_s_s 02-13-2004 02:32 AM

For all BILL haters!
I just read this in my newspaper today and thought of sharing it with all BILL haters!!


Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.” Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says “I'll take this option.” “Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

Lucifer: That was Bill Gates! Why did you give him the best place of all?
Satan: That's what everyone thinks!
Lucifer: What about the PC?
Satan (laughing): It's got Windows 95! And it's missing three keys!
Lucifer: Which three?
Satan (screaming): Control, Alt and Delete!

tearinox 02-13-2004 03:07 AM

lol.. thats great! posting that on my schoool binder

Thymox 02-13-2004 10:08 AM

Bill Gates dies and goes to Heaven. He is greeted by St Peter who lets him pass the pearlies and shows him to his new celestial abode: a huge mansion with acres and acres of hilly walks interspersed with relaxing golf courses. Bill is very happy.

Some time passes and whilst Bill is out walking in the hills he comes across an old man dressed in very fine clothing. They get talking, they are neighbours after all. It turns out that the old man was the captain of the Titanic. They get on very well, having a good time playing golf and the old captain invites Bill over for a meal.

On arrival, Bill finds that the old man lives in a huge palace with both indoor and outdoor swimming pools, etc, etc. Bill in livid.

He storms over to the pearlies in a fit of rage, and demands that St Peter tell him why he, the richest man on Earth and the owner of the largest software firm that had ever, and will ever exist has only a mansion when the old captain of the Titanic has a palace. St Peter explains that he is not in charge of allocating living quarters, that is the responsibility of God himself.

So, Bill storms over to God and angrily asks the same questions.
"Why do I, the most successful human ever to have lived, get a mansion when he gets a palace? What did he ever do? All he did was sink a ship!"

"Well", said God, "you see, the truth of the matter is that we run your Windows systems here in Heaven, Bill."

"Do continue", retorted Bill.

"And, well, the fact is that the Titanic only crashed the once."

questionasker 02-13-2004 11:31 AM

btw Lucifer WAS Satan. he was one of the three Arch Angels, but he was kicked out of Heaven.

vinay_s_s 02-13-2004 02:18 PM

Thanks for that piece of info. I didnt know that. I actually dont know abt satan himself
But I kinda compare him to BILL GATES.

witeshark 02-13-2004 02:50 PM

These are among the very best reading I have ever seen! Hysterical!

questionasker 02-13-2004 03:05 PM

mr. gates isnt that bad.
i think of him as someone attempting to do good, but that spiraled down into a sea of hording money, and releasing piece 'o crap versions of a once-good intended OS.

those are my thoughts anyway.

SciYro 02-13-2004 05:52 PM

yes i see, i live in the same state as him and used to pas by those big buildings of his to go to the doctor, iv been inside of a few (my gandama used to work at mariot (i cant spell it), and it used to be those little food places for hungry progmarers?(its questionsable werther they hire progrmaers or idiots), nice places, very clean, but he does giv money to cherity a lot, so i cant say he a bad person(altho a bad programer, as he is the head programer at MS if i remember right), but i can say his company is bad, but how i get this i dono, back to topic plz:

VERY FUNNY!!!, must say i do like it, i wonder if Billy boy can survive without a unix like system to use? :):):)

Baldorg 02-13-2004 06:08 PM


Originally posted by questionasker
btw Lucifer WAS Satan. he was one of the three Arch Angels, but he was kicked out of Heaven.
Interesting....Do you have the full story? I read about something in the Diablo manual...

questionasker 02-13-2004 08:13 PM

just read The Bible.

but i dont want to get on that. just another religion flame war.

vinay_s_s 02-13-2004 09:21 PM


Originally posted by questionasker
just read The Bible.

but i dont want to get on that. just another religion flame war.

What abt non bible readers ??? (i don't have access to the bible, and i'm not a christian)
So U gotta give the story!!!!

XavierP 02-13-2004 09:26 PM

According to the Apocrypha (one of the many sets of books that didn't make it into the Christian Bible), Lucifer was one of God's favourites but he raised a war against God. So after God defeated him, He cast Lucifer down and he became the Devil. I think Lucifer was the Star of the Morning.

And that will have to hold you until someone more knowledgeable in these things happens by ;)

questionasker 02-13-2004 10:51 PM

xavierp hit the nail on the head.

if you are seriously interested in it, there are plenty of site on the web.
i encourage you to check them out.

maybe youll see what you're missing.

p.s. if youre really interested, request a Bible in .pdf form billy graham's website.

vinay_s_s 02-15-2004 06:35 AM

Sorry guys, I'm not interested in any RELEGIOUS STUFF!!

I just like STORIES (be it relegious or something else!!!)

questionasker 02-15-2004 01:15 PM

there are some very good stories in the Bible.
lot of nice parables.
and great psalms to live by.
you really can learn something.
you should check it.

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