A band of roving CEO's have been spotted nearby the Mexican border. San Antonio, Texas.
Unwilling to wait for their eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public
U.S. companies made a break for it yesterday, heading for the Mexican border, plundering
towns and villages along the way, writing the entire rampage off as marketing expense.
"They came into my home, made me pay for my own TV, then double-booked the revenues,"
said Rachel Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of El Paso. "Right in front of my daughters."
Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief executives were first spotted last night
along the Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they bought each of the town's 320
residents by borrowing against pension fund gains. By late this morning, the CEOnistas
had arbitrarily inflated Quemado's population to 960, and declared a 200 percent profit
for the fiscal second quarter. This morning, the outlaws bought the city of Waco,
transferred its underperforming areas to a private partnership, and sent a bill to
California for $4.5 billion. Law enforcement officials and disgruntled shareholders
riding posse were noticeably frustrated. "First of all, they're very hard to find because
they always stand behind their numbers, and the numbers keep shifting," said posse
spokesman Dean Levitt. "And every time we yell 'Stop in the name of the shareholders!',
they refer us to investor relations. I've been on the phone all damn morning."
The pursuers said they have had some success, however, by preying on a common executive
weakness. "Last night we caught about 24 of them by disguising one of our female officers
as a CNBC anchor," said U.S. Border Patrol spokesperson Janet Lewis. "It was like moths
to a flame." Also, teams of agents have been using high- powered listening devices to
scan the plains for telltale sounds of the CEOnistas. "Most of the time we just hear
leaves rustling or cattle flicking their tails," said Lewis, "but occasionally we'll pick
up someone saying, 'I was totally out of the loop on that.'"
So far, about 50 chief executives have been captured, including Martha Stewart, who was
detained south of El Paso where she had cut through a barbed-wire fence at the Zaragosa
border crossing off Highway 375. "She would have gotten away, but she was stopping
motorists to ask for marzipan and food coloring so she could make edible snowman place
settings, using the cut pieces of wire for the arms," said Border Patrol officer Jennette
Cushing. "We put her in cell No. 7, because the morning sun really adds texture to the
stucco walls."While some stragglers are believed to have successfully crossed into
Mexico, Cushing said the bulk of the CEOnistas have holed themselves up at the Alamo.
"No, not the fort, the car rental place at the airport," she said. "They're rotating
all the tires on the minivans and accounting for each change as a sales event.

Great story, what's coming next heh aussie

That was great