Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United
States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for
that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.

He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any
consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the
people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than
you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better
than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse
would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice
you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but,
we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a
crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took
more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was
different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly
veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've
seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

ROFLMAO

we're sorry about our beer as well

I have to say its a bit of a misconception...yes, the widely marketted American Beer does taste like used dish water...

HOWEVER, that being said...I'd like to stick up a little for our neighbors to the south because I've experienced some d*mn good microbrews on business trips to NY and Boston.

I mean, its still not as kick*ss as Canadian Beer...but they are d*mn good.

i was stationed in germany for a few years, came back and it was "ack, i used to drink this horse p*ss?"

America during its early days was never much of a beer place due to the problems of shipping it. However Whiskey was the drink of choice and still is in my opinion.

Whiskey goes great with beer...ever hear of boilermakers?

A beer and a shot please!

mmmmmm now I'm craving some JD and cold Sleeman's

goes excelently with coke makes me want a JD and Coke tonight.

Ewww JD with COKE? Never could stand that, I find there's a weird aftertaste goin on.

Although if you can, try Apple Jacks JD and apple juice...yum!

Or for those weird, fun, all night coding sessions (or UT, whatever suits)....Jumpin' Jack Flash, which is JD mixed with Jolt Cola.

I'm sorry I live amongst Canadians who feel this way. With the constant barrage of insults from those Canadians who spew them out of the sides of their mouths, I can't help but wonder why the general U.S. population looks kindly upon Canadians. I've never heard any U.S. citizen talk badly about any Canadian. I've only heard how "cool" or "nice" or "good" Canadians are--nothing but praise. Then I move up here and get to hear how some Canadians generalize all of the U.S. citizens.

Make fun of Bush, I don't care, but the generalization of the U.S. citizens is plain wrong.

Luckily, I've met enough Canadians (who I can proudly call friends) that don't puke out stupidities like those above so as not to generalize ALL Canadians as being like this. Oddly enough, these friends of mine actually pay attention to politics and econonics. Even before they knew I was an American, they never made any unkind generalizations about their neighbors to the south.

I've seen "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" before and never understood why it's watched or why those 22 minutes are dedicated to insulting the U.S. During my whole life in the States I've never seen a half hour show dedicated to talking badly about Canada (or any other nation for that matter).

Perhaps more effort should be put into pointing out the positive points of Canada than the negative of the States. But what kind of fun is that? However, I've not heard anything said that was positive about Canada by Canadians other than "Our beer is better than your beer"--which is a joke if you've ever had a microbrew American beer. That's the only comparison I've ever heard regarding Canada vs. U.S. What about economy, politics, laws, goods, services, etc that Canada has that's better than the U.S.? You never hear about that. All you get to hear about is the beer. You'll get to hear insults about the American politics, but that's it. Never a comparison.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread. The US bashing thread at JustLinux should have stayed there. There's a difference between starting up a good debate and just posting asinine garbage. Guess which one this thread falls under.

I'm sorry you think the canadiens burned down the white house in the war of 1812 when it was of course the british but I guess because you wanted to be a pawn of the british empire and never fight back you can take claims for british victories. When did Canada decided to fight nazi germany? Were they there in '39? nope. And to hear a canadian question american bravery about world war 2 is downright amusing seeing as your whole airspace is guarded by america LOL guess you have never heard of NORAD though, eh? And yes Im sorry the american beer sucks too it is awful.

Thank you

Get a grip. In Canada we get more US channels than Canadian ones and trust me, there is plenty of jokes going the other way, Canada is little more than a joke to Americans.

Just another example of hypocracy, if the an American makes light of Canada it's a joke but if it goes the other way its 'plain wrong'.

Get off your pedastal, because your not as important in other's minds as you think. If we want to poke fun at americans we will, not only because it's fun, but because it's so damn easy.

Before you freak out, just let me say that I am an individual before I am a Canadian and I judge all people individually. Yes your president is a moron, but no I don't think all americans are morons because of that. Your words are just so much sanctimonious crap.

Kinda odd to read this.
I posted a (what I find) funny joke and wanted to share it with the rest of you only to find that somewhere along the line someone took something the wrong way and now it's a battle of Canada vs U.S and whos better or whos has a sense of humor.

IT'S A JOKE, SMILE.

I'm smiling, I'm smiling Oh, by the way Canadians are fun to laugh at too. I laugh at them all the time. Oh, yeah, is there any OTHER sport Canadians participate in in the Olympics where they have a chance of winning a medal?

Ah,
If only we could bring back the shenanigans of Pierre and Margaret Trudeau. That made Canada amusing.