Ghosts In The Machine
 

The last three times I've booted into Ubuntu, the default eth0, date/time thing and the log out thing keep re arranging themselves at random ???
My computer is POSSESSED.

I understand your frustrations, but what's your point? Every distro has it intended audience and serves that well. And if one isn't content with a particular distro, (s)he is free to change to another or even (gasp) propriety OS's... :tisk:
In your case: ditch Ubuntu and get Etch on your machine :p