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# How to catch an elephant in Africa?

Posted 03-07-2013 at 06:27 AM by TheIndependentAquarius
Updated 03-08-2013 at 02:58 AM by TheIndependentAquarius

A technicians joke worth sharing...of course in my personal opinion

Quote:
How to catch an elephant in the Africa
• MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

• EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.

• PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

• COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
1. Catch each animal seen.
2. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
3. Stop when a match is detected.

• EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

• ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

• ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

• ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

• STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

• CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

• OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

• POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

• LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.

• SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

• VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does happen to see a elephant, the staff will:
1. compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and
2. enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

• SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

• QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

• SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

• SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

• HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.

Credit: http://stackoverflow.hewgill.com/questions/234/075.html
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1.  Posted 03-07-2013 at 08:55 AM by vmccord
2.  Quote: EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. That one tickled me. Posted 03-07-2013 at 09:41 AM by GazL
3.  EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves. HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants Masterpiece.. So funny... LMAO !!! Posted 03-11-2013 at 04:53 AM by mddnix
4.  SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Seems a lot of software sales people have moved to mobile (cell) phone handset sales. Posted 03-11-2013 at 07:44 PM by jmajor
5.  Or send in Elsa Martinelli in as a photographer. OK Posted 12-24-2013 at 03:03 AM by AnanthaP
6.  Nice. Quote: To catch an elephant you need a telescope, a match box and a pair of tweezers. Look at the elephant down the wrong end of the telescope, when he looks small, pick him up with the tweezers and put him in the match box…. But you have to close the matchbox quickly before he gets big again! Posted 05-19-2014 at 12:24 AM by jamison20000e

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