I'm not exactly sure what you are asking here.
What I get is:
When you launch an application but don't keep it focused (i.e. when it's in the background), the kicker entry appears faded and the icon of the application is not visible in the kicker entry. When you re-focus the application though, the title bolds itself (to let the user know that it is focused.) You've tried the 'shade' feature to fix this, but it just makes the window 'not appear'. Right?
First of all, the 'Shade' feature allows you to 'roll' the window up into its titlebar so that it'll take up less space. Think of it as minimizing, but without a taskbar such as kicker.
I think that you are looking to change font weight of the kicker theme, and while I know that's possible I'm not sure how to do it.(Check out KControl - I believe it'll be in there.)