I want to be able to control what is on my linux computers display(because it is a tv out), not just log in a new session. So with that said, being logged on X in xfce how can i control that session through vnc? So far ive only been able to get a grey screen and ive literally tried every "startx" command you can think of. A weird thing I noticed about my vncserver startup file is that its located in /etc/X11/Xsession rather then the normal /root/ folder. I am running Xebian (debian distro for xbox) and appreciate any help i can get.

I had the same problem when I started the vnc session directly on the box. Try to telnet or ssh into the box and then start the vncserver session and see if it doesnt work then.