It's an old thread, but it came up as a "similar" thread when I posted a new thread that was (coincidentally) "similar".
The "where the f*** is wine" is a good one. I am the newb of course but it appears to me that the only way to acquire Wine is via linux (Ubuntu, in my case). I tried to "download" it using IE and in WinXP to no avail. Could be wrong, of course, but that is just what I think I know at the time.