Ha ha, your post sounds like the musing of a chain smoker
Since you're using KDE, try:
Start Applications (the 'K' on your taskbar)-->System Settings-->click Printing-->(enter your root password)
In printconf-gui, click New-->follow the 'Add a new print queue' wizard.
If you can't proceed through the wizard, come on back and ask some more questions.
Also, let me know if the instructions don't help at all, since you're using Mandy and I'm on RH.