I found the intro to the post creative with a touch of humor, compared to many other posts I have read around here.. I'd actually award a few bonus points for the forced creativity and maintained humor in the face of the OP's certain frustration. A little specific technical detail in the original post would have helped get things rolling though.
would you consider purchasing a different Wireless adapter ? USB wireless has to be one of the more difficult and frustrating tings to get working in Linux. Purchasing a piece of hardware that is well supported, might make your wireless work "out of the box with Linux" so to speak. Spending $20 or $30 might be well worth the reduced frustration.
I usually recommend starting with a list like this: http://www.fsf.org/resources/hw/net/wireless/cards.html
Wireless cards with FREE drivers. NO ndiswrapper to deal with, and free drivers so most should work out of the box, or with very little effort.