LZM, You won't believe how I got it. I was trying to figure out how to unlink the right and left channels (as in that ubuntu forum post). I figured that out. It didn't work. So I was like, 'What is this little button?' (see attachment) Well, it's a 'set as fallback' or something like that. So I clicked it. The sound recorded. Amazing. And was helping a friend buy something online (over the phone). He has this year-old Lenovo.Windows 7. Probably cost him $500. It was so slow. It was crashing. Screens were disappearing. I (in my mind) was like, Linux rocks!

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You have clearly risen past the 12th level and have now achieved LN (Linux nirvana). All your tribulations were merely a test of your inner strength and have proved your worthiness to go forth into the world carrying the Linux banner. The delights that await you cannot even be imagined. You are now truly master of your own ship (or computer). It is also well known that M$ causes Irritable bowel syndrome.
jdk

ROFL!! Ha ha. Yes, I can feel a new inner calm, like a gentle mist bathing a mysterious mountain. I'm looking forward to the untold delights. Yes, I will carry the Linux banner with great pride. Great pride.

I owe all my mastery (but can I still post in the Newbie forum?) to you, LZM.

P.S. Already have IBS but M$ would probably make it worse.

No, I am merely a vessel for the exquisite essence of the celestial sky-penguin. Only the truly worthy may enter the 12th level. As for the Newbie forum, remember that Tux, the sky-penguin is infinitely merciful. All that you do conforms to the Penguin-plan.
jdk

I knew there was something mystical to this Linux stuff. I just got too distracted with all the problems I've been having with it to really realize it was there. You have opened my eyes to the great truth of the way of the Tux, the way that is no way and yet every way. The way that can seem so confusing but is ultimately crystal clear. The way that can be a pain in the #@* but inevitably inescapably leads to enlightenment.

What's the thirteenth level like, LZM?

signed: Gregg Bell (blissfully transformed devotee of the infinitely merciful sky-penguin)

You'll know it when you get there, Gregg. It defies description.
jdk

I can hardly wait!