Here's the issue:
Apache runs as uid "www". Which is as it should. The scripts run by Apache create files that are owned by www, and cannot be deleted by me, the owner of the scripts. The milieu here is a colo'd box, with a real bastard of an admin who's not about to give me sudo, (can't say I blame him, I know just enough to make the box go all explodey) or let me masquerade as www. What I'm trying to pull out of some orifice is a way to have Apache run scripts as the userid of ther daddy, (me) or at least have the files created by said scripts owned by me. Can this be done without conjuring a C wrapper, or my running my own copy of Apache on the box? Maybe some relative of the most holy "setuid bit", that would work on cgi/perl scripts. Or maybe some arcane line in the .htaccess. or httpd.conf I've overlooked.
I'm an idiot. What's your excuse?