I really need to break down finally I guess and get broadband to solve my Linux connectivity problems, but, one last thought before I do...if I would get one of those old fashioned hardware modems - an external thing I take it - What sort of connection could be made with it to my modern laptop armed with piles of USB ports and just about nothing else? I figure those things probably plug in a serial port or something, of which I have none! My question is, What sort of connector is required to use one of these real 'non-win-modems? I figure I better ask before I get serious and buy one and find out I can't connect it to a HP dv-8000 laptop!

You should be able to locate an external USB modem with little difficulty and LOL not even an 'old fashioned one' you can get a brand new one!

Any USB modem that conforms to the CDC ACM specifications should work in linux such as the Creative MODEM Blaster. Check out the linux-usb website and google for other compatable devices.

A real hardware modem uses the serial port (9 pin male D connector) which as you indicated your laptop lacks. There are USB-serial adapters that would allow one to connect a serial modem to the laptop. I've had no trouble using the ones from RadioShack.

Of course there are PCMCIA modems that are linux compatable too if you do not want to travel with extra stuff. Most should work.