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Am I right in thinking the D830 has better wireless and poorer graphics
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for the graphics, yes; as for the wireless, all the d820 lacks is the N (new norm, not sure if its out yet).
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I am not into games, but I will be watching DVDs
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Will you be doing any graphic modeling? (Blender comes into mind) For the DVDs, both are enough in my opinion.
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how do we make a choice here?
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Well,I'd suggest you look at your needs (graphic/networking); you take a look at the linux drivers for the 4965AGN (or how it works with ndiswrapper), I'd also suggest you think through if you really need the N feature on the wireless/a good graphic card.
As I always end posts that answer to a question wanting my opinion : its your choice, do a bit of research about both the cards (graphic and wireless) and choose.