I just installed Xubuntu 9.10 and was excited for the new look.
When I log in I find a pretty different desktop than on live disk(which is what I want)
I've had XFCE while using linux mint and i haven't formatted my /home partition.
I went in and removed /home/user/.config/xfce4 and /home/user/cache/xfce4
but still no luck.
Any suggestions?

What I would reccomendthis might be too big of a hassle as it involves reinstalling Xubuntu)

Boot up with a live cd. Mount your /home partition, find /home/yourname where yourname is your username, and rename it to yourname_bak or something of the like.

Reinstall Xubuntu, choosing NOT to format your home partition. When it asks you for a username and password, enter what you did before. It should create a new folder in /home with the default settings.

Then, you can go in to /home/yourname_bak and move any files you still need into your new home folder, and delete what you don't need.

Best of luck!