I don't mean to sound wierd or anything like that, but who else here thinks they're socially retarded.

I think that i am. I think that the part of the brain that can figure out and direct the way that we behave during social interactions, is broken in my head.
I am not a stupid person, and i don't think that i'm a selfish or unpleasant person, but for some reason i am socially isolated.
I figured that i'd ask this here because i'm a very smart, technically minded person and i thought that if i was going to i would find people with simular personality types here.

It wouldn't doubt me that you would find people with simular personality types here. I think linux tends to gather people of that nature together :-p (j/k). With that said you aren't alone and the only way to fix it would be to go out and "practice" being social

Yeah, practice makes perfect. I used to be a bit of a geek: I didn't really like going out with my flatmates (this was in halls whilst I was doing my undergrad degree) because I never had anything to say to them. Then one day I realised that the only reason I never had anything to say was because I never went out. Therefore, to remedy it, I started going out and, lo and behold, pretty soon I managed to converse perfectly well.

Now all I've got to do is figure out how to shuttup occasionally!...

I wouldn't go so far as to call myself or yourself socially retarded. It is true that having social skills is important, but to what extent really? I mean it is good to be able to talk to others, but as far as I am concerned, if a particular topic that is being discussed is not to your liking, then there is no reason to stay there, move on, I don't see anything wrong with that. I consider myself a rather shy person, and I never approach anybody in order to talk with someone. I just wait, if someone wants to come and talk to me thats great, I won't ignore them, I will certainly try to make conversation with them, but as far as public speaking, thats out of the question for me, if I can avoid it .

Anyways I think it just depends on the surrounding, and the type of people that are there.


In a classroom enviornment in my case I am the quietest student in the front row, but for me that has to do with the number of student in that particular class. I have discovered that being in a class with a maximum of 10-15 students I have no trouble in participating in class discussions, and asking questions, but 20+ students, and I can be silent for the entire term. Also, when I was in high school, I had few friends. I never was a part of a group, which I am glad to say, I hated the cliques in high school, and as far as I was concerned popular kids gave me the impression of kids who dressed nice, were very condescending, and of no real contribution academically. Now, I myself was not a nerd, I can't consider myself a nerd, because I never had any straight A's, or B's. I was an average student, a geek, not so much a nerd, and also I never cared for those who played sports, and I also looked down on everybody in my high school that did, (though I apologize to anyone here who did actually participate in an extra-cirricular activity.)


It is here where I stated earlier that I never approach anybody to talk with. Does that mean I am socially disfunctional, or maybe even anti-social? I don't think so. For me, its just not the place to seek out someone to talk to, even to seek out women. Everybody there is usually talking about something that never interests me, which is either about sports, or their own personal problems. Not to sound callous, but thats really not any of my concern and business. Sure that type of enviornment you wouldn't really expect much of a more intellectually inclined conversation, and I have only been to bars a few times with my father just for the heck of it, but I myself would not decide to go to one on my own.


Does this mean that if one has slightly poorer social skills doesn't have anything to offer to the rest of society? No, obviously not. Historically people with less than average social abilities has made important contributions, right now I can only think of Vincent Van Gogh off the top of my head, but thats a person who had difficulty with his social skills. Also, mainstream society seems to stigmatize those who have poor social skills, and automatically assumes their intelligance to also be poor because of this, for example those who are autistic. Yes it is a form of mental retardation, but that doesn't always mean that person's IQ is low, and actually has certain abilities that "normal" people would not have (Kim Peek: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Peek) but certainly affecting how that person communicates with another person.

Anyways, as I stated earlier, I wouldn't consider yourself "socially retarded." I think that having a decent enough amount of social skills is adequate, being able to talk to others, and knowing how to act in a social enviornment, and if you are like me and have an introverted personality, thats still fine, I don't see how that can doom you, its not the end of the world.

I am hopeless at talking to girls, I turn all red and stuff

Best advice on the planet: Don't be scared.

Apply it to any situation, social gatherings aren't scary. It's a bunch of people in one place, contrary maybe to your belief there will be at least one person there you can get along with. Just hunt around until you find them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_Syndrome
I'm not stating that's your diagnosis. Just worth reading.

It's not that abnormal. I met a geek girl at work once and out of interest asked her what she did besides working. She was a bit into programming and loved working with PC's a lot. I love IT too, but I studied quite the opposite...
So I ask her various things so she could tell a bit more about herself. All fine until I meet her the next week. She was very angry at me because she wasn't used of having people who were interested in her as a person instead of just for her IT interests...
So it's not that strange if you think you have a hard time to get to know people or feel like you don't do it like it should.

Don't think you need lots of friends, since you are going to learn fast that most of these short term friends won't last long. They won't show up any more when you need them the most. I've got second to none friends myself, but those that I have LAST!

And this interested me in your post:
"I think that the part of the brain that can figure out and direct the way that we behave during social interactions, is broken in my head."
Very recognizable for me. Whenever I DO visit a gathering, I always look and study people, asking myself how and why they do it. There isn't much of a benefit now is there, but they gather just 'cause. That's hard to comprehend if your not used to it.

The only thing I hate is not having a girl. Although I can please the girlfriends around me and can be charming, I never manage to take it one step further...

At some point I came to the realization that the vast majority consisted of crazy people and alcohol addicts, and after that "social" interaction became much less appealing. It's futile trying to carry on a conversation with someone that only listens to divine voices in their head. It's also fairly useless carrying on a conversation with some who won't remember a damn thing the next morning. So I see little reason to "socialize" with most people outside the work environment -- unfortuately you'll have to do some amount of "schmoozing" at work to succeed whether you like it or not; contrary to popular belief it's not hard work or dedication that gets you ahead.

Speaking personally, I used to suffer from crippling shyness. My Junior High days were spent pretty much in solitude, but by mid-late high school I came out of my shell. Now that I am much older (~30) I don't tend to worry about it at all and don't find my shyness to be a problem anymore.

I am still somewhat awkward around large groups of strangers, and as for public speaking, forget it, but on the whole I don't consider myself socially inept anymore.

not socially retarded but at times I can be somewhat of a recluse. I just dont feel like dealing with people alot of times. I go to work, put on my headphones and do my job. But I go out on dates all the time because I love female company and have coached a number of men in the area of dating, courtship and the likes, many who work in IT and have alot of social anxiety that holds them back.

I hope you're kidding!

The so-called "syndromes" and the labels "retarded", "socially dysfunctional", etc. just define what a large section of society expects from its members. When you're framed like that you are not allowed to be an individual... You're not allowed to have contradictions and perceive the whole construct as having a fault: "There's a problem with you. Something in you doesn't let you cope with our expectations of what is best for you and everyone. You need help". And only the last sentence is true. You can't change society... You yourself have to find/create/maintain your own space and get used to your own internal rhythm without the need to justify isolation by believing you have a higher IQ and everyone else is retarded instead. Remember the "fox and grapes" tale ? (Note: this is one thing that new-age authors exploit telling you deserve to win lots of money and have a lot of girls. This is what some people think it's the ultimate happiness when they just really want to be on top of everyone and have them to provide the image they lack of themselves). On the other hand, when you find the persons you genuinely feel good to be with, never turn them down. We have the right to be newbies at society and girls 'cause life is beta

This is how I was most of my life. I don't think that really changed until I got to college. Earlier in my life, pre-college, I basically only ever talked to like 1 or 2 people on a regular basis, and they were VERY close friends, but other than that I had hardly any. I was just always sorta weird and socially inept, in the sense like you said, where I'm not exactly an unpleasent person, but I just... I donno, never really made friends or was very open with anybody or outgoing about anything. I did have alot of friends on the internet though because there was something different about it.... like I could always talk to people on the internet alot more openly than in real life, which is the reverse of most people. What fixed it for me was going to college and being surrounded by people all the time, and basically being forced to talk to people... after I was forced to talk to people, basically because I was there and there was nobody else around so they'd come around badgering me about stuff and I was like "..." all uncomfortable with it at first, and then finally I got used to it. You know what I realized? I realized that I really loved talking to people, sharing things about myself, hearing other people's experiences, hanging out doing random stuff, partying, the works. Now I love being around people and I don't know what I would do without them. The good part is though that all my old very close friends that used to be the only ones I ever talked to are still my closest friends in the world, and contrary to what I thought would be the case, I'm more close with them now than ever before because well.... we have alot more to talk about now, and I'm alot more outgoing and damn... maybe even a little crazy at times, so we can do alot more stuff togather and have alot more fun, but still keep that close relationship we had going strong as ever. They're actually pretty proud of me for finally opening up and going and doing things. I used to not even be able to leave my house hardly, and now I'm gone most of the time, I WANT to be out and doing things. I think part of what it is though, is that sometimes you find one person that I donno... they just have a nack for not judging people, and also have a nack for being able to open you up, and then run with that... hell, its hard to stop them sometimes. The second day I was at college, I met one of these people, and supprisingly enough, sence I've been here, I've never met anybody else that gave off that same vibe as he did. Really cool guy. I give him alot of credit for helping me be social and stuff, along with my best friend for supporting the idea, who is also just as important, because if she had not supported what Jonno was trying to do, and tried to get me to listen to him, I probably never would have. I think either you need to meet some people like this, or need to just go out by yourself and FORCE yourself to be social, and after a while you will probably realize that you really like it. Unless your happy how you are. I found that I thought I was happy how I was before, not talking to hardly anybody and just sitting in my room most of the day doing whatever, but now I realize that I could never go back to that.

Theres nothing wrong with not being social if your comfortable that way, but I just thought I would tell this story incase you wanted to give it a try... it may help you out alot.

Marshall

alcohol helps

That it does. Though when copious ammounts of alcohol are involved, it's not social retardation I'm worried about.