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Old 03-02-2014, 11:14 PM   #16
k3lt01
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Basically it means if you're someone who is unhappy in yourself no one else will be able to make you a happy person. It's got nothing to do with "human needs" no one needs exactly the same things as anyone else. All you "need" is air to breath, food to eat, water to drink, and shelter. You don't need the gentle touch of a partner, yes you might like to have that but you don't need it. You may be able to obtain fleeting moments of joy but when the trigger for that joy has gone what is there to keep it going? Nothing but the happiness within yourself. If you think you do need someone else to make you happy then you are most likely missing something in yourself such as self esteem. So if you're a sour puss alone then your still going to be a sour puss but with a fake veneer if you're with someone else.
 
Old 03-03-2014, 12:41 AM   #17
enorbet
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I and others have addressed this question in a general way but I am becoming convinced that was not the intent or at least the subtext of the OP. It seems to me he/she is not talking about Life, in general, but rather a far more immediate and deep frustration that comes from being in Love and for some reason forced to be separated from the Loved One, and possibly with little prospect of being reunited.

Because such directed urges are tied to procreation they exist on an extremely deep level and are very difficult to handle. It is not uncommon for long term spousal relationships to end in the death of a bereaved after the partner has died, if that person cannot find their way to Hope for the future. In younger relationships it may feel like this but it is highly questionable for one to give up so easily. It is not that I think OP is in this situation exactly, but rather a recognition of how deeply these feelings can exist from any sort of separation.

If this is the case then there really are only two or three possible options.

1) Arrange to see the person is the most obvious direct solution, assuming this is possible. Even if the meeting must be scheduled considerably in the future there is solace in having the "light at the end of the tunnel".

2) If the time for a meeting is very far in the future, then surely it is possible to carry on a "long distance romance" in these days of the Internet with email, chat, VOIP, webcams, etc.

3) If there is essentially no possibility for a meeting ever, then there is only one option - Move On. Even though we are programmed to focus on one person as a romantic interest, the cliche "There are many fish in the sea" is a cliche for a good reason. Obsession is not healthy so we need to be smart about determining when it is time to put our efforts elsewhere.

OP, having been in many situations of separation grief and anxiety, I really do feel your pain and consternation, but I can tell you that you will survive and be happy again if that is your normal disposition because this problem is as old as Time and yet, here we are. Find happiness in as many things as you can around you whether at work, in play, in Nature, or inside yourself and let this pass as it must.

I love the movie "The Castaway" where he is running out of resources after years of tough survival and an outhouse door washes up that he could have used in any number of ways or simply disregarded but he chose to make of it a sail to deliver himself off the island and he remarked "You never know what will wash up on your shores tomorrow".
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:38 AM   #18
k3lt01
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enorbet I think you may have read to much into the OPs initial post. Anisha gives no indication she is in pain or consternation .
 
Old 03-03-2014, 06:24 AM   #19
enorbet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by k3lt01 View Post
enorbet I think you may have read to much into the OPs initial post. Anisha gives no indication she is in pain or consternation .
I agree that is entirely possible and accepted that when I posted but prefer to err on the side of caution when people reach out. Hopefully, I am mistaken.
 
Old 03-03-2014, 12:10 PM   #20
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The end state is you cannot be a good partner or fulfilling person until you've completed Maslow's pyramid.
 
Old 03-12-2014, 02:51 AM   #21
TheIndependentAquarius
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After a long thought on this subject and after reading all the replies, I
think I have been taking that quote in OP too literally.

If it were really possible to be happy with yourself without any external
support then man wouldn't be called a social animal nor would there be
any place for things like touch theraphy etc.

I think what that quote really means is that a person needs to get rid of
his psychological problems himself - like low self esteem, pride, greed etc.
A person should be able to like himself as he is (and IMO he should try
to change himself if there's some major flaw in his personality like -
laziness and procrastination rather than liking himself as he is )

After considering the above paragraph, I do think, a loving touch from a
loving partner "is needed" at some stage of life since we are "humans".
Ofcourse requirements vary from person to person and intimacy may not be
a highest priority in someone else's life.

Anyways...

Quote:
Originally Posted by frankbell View Post
Sometimes this means ending a relationship or a friendship, if you have realized that the other person(s) are toxic or unwilling to contribute and will not stop being toxic or become willing to contribute.
I was about to talk about this.
Do "toxic" people really exist or just because we don't get well with
someone or are incomaptible with someone or have opposite thoughts -
we call the other person toxic?

We have a saying in Hindi - You can't clap with a single hand.
 
Old 03-12-2014, 04:27 AM   #22
Germany_chris
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I disagree almost entirely with your statement. None of what you state is a "NEED" it's a nice to have and feels a bit narcissistic. We have a very large religion based on the avoidance of "suffering" through the conquering of desire.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ― Gautama Buddha


“To live alone one must be either a beast or a god, says Aristotle. Leaving out the third case: one must be both - a philosopher.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
 
Old 03-12-2014, 03:54 PM   #23
enorbet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anisha Kaul View Post
<snip>

I was about to talk about this.
Do "toxic" people really exist or just because we don't get well with
someone or are incomaptible with someone or have opposite thoughts -
we call the other person toxic?

We have a saying in Hindi - You can't clap with a single hand.
Hello
It is true that some people just don't work well together, or in a larger social context such cause unworkable friction. We have some cliche sayings here in America, too, like "too many cooks spoil the pudding" and "too many chiefs, not enough (North American) Indians" that describe simple conflicts or poor distribution of skills.

However so-called toxic people do exist and those are usually created by childhood abuse. Many people who have suffered such environments so early in their development, have varying degrees of inability to bond with any other humans and commonly sabotage any relationship that begins to get close, often to the rather severe detriment of both parties. The more extremely damaged become sociopathic, up to and including serial killers.

Then there is the all too common occurrence of those (and I have no idea how they are created or if it is "only a phase") for whom it is simply not enough to win. Others must also fail, for them to be happy.
 
Old 03-12-2014, 05:36 PM   #24
k3lt01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enorbet View Post
However so-called toxic people do exist and those are usually created by childhood abuse.
That is possibly the biggest generalisation I have seen in a very long time. Yes there are toxic people, and in my experience they are the people who blame everyone else or have superiority complexes and have to find things about others to use as a put down (racism, sexism, language superiority, etc etc etc), but I personally doubt toxic people are usually victims of or have witnessed childhood abuse.
 
Old 03-12-2014, 09:35 PM   #25
frankbell
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Toxic people do exist. It's why I once had to have a cut in my head stapled shut at the emergency clinic.

Their toxicity can come for many reasons, though, as regards the person who sent me to the clinic, childhood abuse (not sexual abuse, but rather physical and emotional abuse) was certainly part of it.

And this person is not going to change, because one of the symptoms in that case is an inability to accept responsibility: Everything is always somebody else's fault. As long as that remains the case, the toxicity is untouchable by any treatment, therapy, or spirituality.
 
Old 03-13-2014, 05:18 AM   #26
enorbet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by k3lt01 View Post
That is possibly the biggest generalisation I have seen in a very long time. Yes there are toxic people, and in my experience they are the people who blame everyone else or have superiority complexes and have to find things about others to use as a put down (racism, sexism, language superiority, etc etc etc), but I personally doubt toxic people are usually victims of or have witnessed childhood abuse.
While I find there to be a huge gulf between merely obnoxious people, like those you mentioned having superiority complexes, and truly toxic people, still you're right. It was a sweeping generalization and I should have been clearer. I should have qualified that statement by saying that while extremely high percentages of people abused as children become toxic, it may not be true that all toxic people got that way from abuse. If you think that is still too broad then your definition of "toxic" is WAY milder than mine, or you haven't dated, or <cringe> married someone truly abused as a child.
 
Old 03-13-2014, 06:12 AM   #27
k3lt01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enorbet View Post
If you think that is still too broad then your definition of "toxic" is WAY milder than mine, or you haven't dated, or <cringe> married someone truly abused as a child.
This isn't a competition. I don't see a need to go into the depths and varieties of human toxicity, suffice to say people are toxic in various ways and for various reasons.
 
Old 03-13-2014, 06:40 AM   #28
pan64
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Probably it was not mentioned before: the world is mirroring yourself to you. So if you were happy you can make happy all the people around you and then you will see only smiles (but if you were in a bad mood .....).
It was my wife who entered in a room and made everyone almost immediately happier in that room just by her precence, "shining".
Toxic means the opposite side I think... And it is not related to any kind or relationship.
 
  


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