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Old 02-21-2014, 04:59 AM   #1
TheIndependentAquarius
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What exactly is meant when it is said that only you can make yourself happy?


http://www.lifehack.org/articles/com...ml?ref=fbp&n=1
Quote:
Thinking that having a significant other will
complete you.


If you are not a whole person already, then having a
romantic partner will not make you whole. Plus, it
puts a lot of pressure on the other person to “make
you happy.” You need to be happy with yourself with or
without someone. Having a significant other doesn’t
make you happier. Only you can make yourself happy.
Also, on many other self help sites I have noticed similar
statements.

I don't understand this.
For example, because you are a human, you probably
want to have a man or woman in your life who would
love you both mentally and physically, so how exactly
are you going to make yourself happy if you don't have
that significant other or can't get one?

Does that quote mean that you need to forget/suppress
your human needs?

Last edited by TheIndependentAquarius; 02-21-2014 at 05:04 AM.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 05:26 AM   #2
enorbet
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Hello. I think your questions are fair ones because we all grow up with some expectations and standards. We are taught to believe that we will be happy if we achieve those goals to live at the standards we set for ourselves. However Life doesn't always go as planned. Some peoples lives are thrust into chaos and upheaval such as when a country is torn by war or devastated by drought or disease. Some people find happiness even unde such circumstances and a few find they've never been happier, perhaps because the upheaval and facing deprivation and even death has taught them that it is part of healthy instincts to make the best of a bad situation, and they find they appreciate Life more when it is pointed out regularly how precious it is.

Additionally some people seem to never be happy or are only happy (or maybe content is a better word here) when everything is a mess. Some people are forever optimistic while others either are pessimistic or try to choose to have low expectations so they don't get disappointed. The Human Condition is a complex thing and I don't pretend to understand it well. However I do have to agree that a large part of being happy is a state of mind, not an achieved goal. It does seem to be about The Journey and not the Goal at the End, as trite as that might sound. Apparently it takes an entire Lifetime t figure it out.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 05:29 AM   #3
TheIndependentAquarius
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enorbet View Post
However I do have to agree that a large part of being happy is a state of mind, not an achieved goal.
This is what I don't understand.

How exactly is your mind going to be happy when it
desires physical intimacy with a lover and is not getting
any?
 
Old 02-21-2014, 07:42 AM   #4
odiseo77
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I think the quote means that people shouldn't depend on another person in order to be happy, but only on themselves. I partially agree with that -- in the sense that you shouldn't depend on anyone -- but I also believe that having a stable and satisfactory relationship helps a lot to find happiness in life, since we humans are social beings.

Last edited by odiseo77; 02-21-2014 at 07:43 AM.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 09:25 AM   #5
sundialsvcs
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Yeah, and while "physical intimacy" is of course very important, it is not the (only) stuff of which a lasting relationship between two people is made.

I think that the main thrust of this sentiment is just that "it can't be all takin' and no givin'." You need to have something to give, apart from "bodily fluids" . If there's a great big hole in your psyche that you're cuddling up to someone else in order to fill, what's that other person going to feel except "a great big sucking sound?" What about the similar great big hole that (s)he has ... that all of us have somewhere?

To have someone who knows e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g about you, and who honestly loves you anyway, is absolutely the most precious thing in the universe. Never take it for granted.

Last edited by sundialsvcs; 02-21-2014 at 09:26 AM.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 10:53 AM   #6
rokytnji
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This is what happiness means to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afi_910ymDI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM

Self Help sales is just a shill job to me.

Men and Women and Kids are physical creatures who get input from their bodies that tell their brain about happy,comfort,empathy,and caring.

One who just listens to their brain and not their heart can be a empty sould indeed.

No one size fits all but a confirmed bachelor will cruise for tail to feed a need just like a confirmed single lady.

But like I said. One size does not fit all. Folks are complicated.

Happiness is subjective and personal, and no self help what ever can advise me
on what trips my or anyones elses trigger. So in a sense,
they are right. Only you can ride this train.

Last edited by rokytnji; 02-21-2014 at 10:55 AM.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 11:20 AM   #7
Arcane
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@Anisha Kaul: Then let me ask you a simple question: Would you be together with someone who doesn't care about himself as your mate? If yes then how long? This is your answer in different form. Self worth comes from within. Sooner or later you will move on because of obvious reasons..
 
Old 02-21-2014, 11:30 AM   #8
Shadowmeph
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anisha Kaul View Post
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/com...ml?ref=fbp&n=1

Also, on many other self help sites I have noticed similar
statements.

I don't understand this.
For example, because you are a human, you probably
want to have a man or woman in your life who would
love you both mentally and physically, so how exactly
are you going to make yourself happy if you don't have
that significant other or can't get one?

Does that quote mean that you need to forget/suppress
your human needs?
to put it very simply only you really know what can possibly make you happy most prople "think" they know what makes them happy but most of the time there perception of what they think happyness is ends up not being true.
everyone is different then you have to know what "True Happyness is".
 
Old 02-21-2014, 03:14 PM   #9
anomie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anisha Kaul
How exactly is your mind going to be happy when it
desires physical intimacy with a lover and is not getting
any?
I agree that "happiness is a state of mind", but I understand Anisha Kaul's point on this. Think Maslow's hierarchy. It becomes rather more difficult to keep a good attitude when one cannot meet basic physiological needs.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 03:33 PM   #10
John VV
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it really depends on what one defines as " make happy"

there are a ton of NSFW answers

but

i would say RET "Rational Emotive Thought "
your thoughts on a "thing" create a feeling about that "thing" and that feeling creates a action about that "thing"
 
Old 02-21-2014, 03:56 PM   #11
metaschima
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The quote can be interpreted in many ways, it can be right and wrong.

While I would agree that being happy with yourself is an ideal, and a good thing, it may not always be possible. Why ? Because everyone is flawed and has weaknesses.

Certainly if you decide to have someone else in your life, make sure that they appeal to the better side of you ... that they complement you and help you overcome your weaknesses or flaws. This would be ideal and optimal.

Something other than ideal or perhaps highly detrimental can occur if you decide on someone just because you have a physiological / psychological need and decide to fulfill it by choosing someone who doesn't complement you, and who may in fact harm you in various ways.

Overall, I think the main idea is: Stand strong and choose your partner wisely.

You should also not be too reliant on the partner, otherwise if something happens to them, they may take you with them, and that should be avoided. There should be some balance and rationale to it. I mean I've heard people say "If anything happens to him/her, I don't know what I'd do / I'd kill myself, etc." That is highly irrational and unbalanced. You should know what to do, and it shouldn't involve more death. Avoid all heart, no brain, and all brain, no heart.
 
Old 02-21-2014, 04:04 PM   #12
TB0ne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anisha Kaul View Post
Also, on many other self help sites I have noticed similar statements.

I don't understand this. For example, because you are a human, you probably want to have a man or woman in your life who would love you both mentally and physically, so how exactly are you going to make yourself happy if you don't have that significant other or can't get one?

Does that quote mean that you need to forget/suppress your human needs?
I understand what you mean, but I think of this in another way. Arcane hit on it, also...I'd rather be alone, than with someone who didn't really want to be around me, or who continually annoyed me. Yes, there would be 'interaction', but it wouldn't contribute to happiness. I've heard it said before, "You have to be happy with yourself, before you can be happy with anyone else", and I think it's true. If you have confidence in yourself, and *CAN* be happy and content on your own, then having someone to share things with only makes things BETTER. Hinging your happiness on NEEDING another person is a recipe for disaster.

This seems to apply, and has been something I've tried to keep in mind for years:
“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” ― Socrates

To me, this reminds me to be happy and thankful for what I DO have...rather than being miserable over something that I don't have. That happiness does show through to others, which will help you be in a better place to make a connection with others. You have a LOT going for you!
 
Old 02-21-2014, 09:24 PM   #13
frankbell
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To go back to your original question, I think what is meant is that many persons make themselves unhappy, or at least unhappier than they need to be. I think a truer statement would be along the lines of "only you can keep yourself from being happy when everything is going right."

It is wise to read anything in the "self-help" line with several grains of salt. "Self-help" writers sell hope, and often they oversell hope and oversell positive thinking. All the positive thinking in the world cannot make me into a good basketball player. Ain't gonna happen--I cannot say that any sport is "my game," but basketball is much less my game than anything else, except possibly ice hockey. And you cannot think tragedies and unhappiness and sadness away--they are part of life. When my father and then my mother died (eight years apart), I was sad, but I also was able to accept that bad stuff is part of life and that life does go on.

Nevertheless, if you are deeply unhappy with how things are and you know that the other person(s) involved in your unhappiness are unlikely to change, it is true that you become the person who must make a change. Sometimes this means ending a relationship or a friendship, if you have realized that the other person(s) are toxic or unwilling to contribute and will not stop being toxic or become willing to contribute.
 
Old 02-27-2014, 01:58 PM   #14
Arcane
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Quote:
One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.(more)
This here is close to answer why we have life the way we have it. Just like Zeitgeist and Thrive video said - if we are forced to live in specific way we will most likely stop fighting it and by doing so we will sacrifice our happiness.

There was discussion about this recently by the way and
Quote:
Originally Posted by 273 View Post
Just let them know -- everyone gets that kind of infection.
funny that people quickly forget that they are same human beings like everyone else and they also make mistakes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frankbell View Post
{...}It is wise to read anything in the "self-help" line with several grains of salt. "Self-help" writers sell hope, and often they oversell hope and oversell positive thinking. All the positive thinking in the world cannot make me into a good basketball player.{...}
Yea! I see you watched GC video too.

Last edited by Arcane; 02-27-2014 at 02:08 PM. Reason: video
 
Old 03-02-2014, 09:54 PM   #15
AnanthaP
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Only you truly know your real capabilities and the surroundings and environment that you choose to live in and how they impact you and also what you - given your habitual state of mind and way of doing things - will do to change to an this state.

So having only realistic expectations - with a little bit of continually raising the bar - will keep you happy.

OK

Last edited by AnanthaP; 03-03-2014 at 07:20 PM.
 
  


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