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LQ 5k Club
Registered: Sep 2009
Distribution: Arch x86_64
Posts: 6,443
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Here are all the ones mentioning "Linux":
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A friend of mine was recently typing up his resume and listing his experience with different operating systems. When the Word spelling/grammar checker came across "Windows ME and Linux," it was quick to suggest that "Windows, Linux, and I" would be more appropriate.
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One day I received a catalogue from a mail order company. I tried to find Linux. It took me a while. It was in the games section.
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I'm new to computers, and a little while back I was talking to someone who claimed to be a PC tech. Having recently found out what a processor actually was, I asked her what its number meant. She said, "That's your memory," and began an explanation of RAM. Thinking she misunderstood the question, I clarified with, "When someone says 'Pentium 266,' what does '266' mean?" She replied happily, "Oh, you mean your operating system!" I laughed, because I thought she had to be messing with a newbie's mind, and said, "No, not Linux or Windows or anything like that. I just want to know what that one number means." She looked very hurt and confused and walked away insisting that it was the OS.
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* My Friend: "What's your operating system?"
* Me: "Linux."
* My Friend: "You better uninstall it!"
* Me: "Why?"
* My Friend: "The government uses Linux to look through your computer and see your every move. They use it as a security camera into your world."
* Me: "Sure...."
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* Friend: "I heard about this thing called 'Linux'."
* Me: "Oh, I use Linux."
* Friend: "What is it?"
* Me: "An operating system."
* Friend: "Like Firefox?"
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Friend: "Does Windows 98 support Linux?"
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I was calling to sign up with a new DSL provider. When the guy asked what operating system I was using, I said, "Linux." I was put on hold for five minutes, and then a supervisor came back and told me, "You can't use Linux to connect to the Internet. It's a hacker tool, anyway." I almost fell out of my chair.
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* Woman #1: "What this Linux thing?"
* Woman #2: "It's a program that if you have it on your computer, you can't turn the computer off."
* Woman #1: "Oh."
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Two girls walked into the University's Linux cluster one time. They were obviously unfamiliar with computers and chatted with each other trying to figure everything out. I was doing my own work and had tuned out a lot of the conversation, but at one point one of them turned to me and asked how to get into Windows. "Type startx," I replied, for the Linux machines booted to a shell prompt, and you had to type "startx" to get into X-Windows. I never did find out if that worked for them or not, but they spent quite some time trying to correlate the instructions they had on paper (presumably given out in one of their classes) with what they were seeing on the screen. A full hour and a half passed, and finally one of them turned to me again and asked if this was the Microsoft Windows cluster. "No," I replied, "that's downstairs." It was hard to stifle the laughter until they were gone. An hour and a half before they realized they weren't even using the right operating system. Wow.
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All these anecdotes make me feel much better -- it's so comforting to know I'm not the only person surrounded by people who seem to lose multiple IQ points when in the presence of a computer. I teach Windows 2000, Novell, and Linux networking at a community college in South Africa, where a large percentage of the students coming through our doors are from rural communities only just receiving electricity, never mind computers and/or Internet access.
Some gems I've come across include one very sweet and well mannered farm girl insisting on ending every console command with "please," as she didn't want the computer to think she was rude, a student who managed to bend a PS2 connector out of shape enough to jam it halfway into a USB port using nothing but his teeth, and, my personal favourite, a guy who brought food to class every day and warmed his lunch by opening his computer's case and putting his tinfoil parcel onto the CPU's heatsink. Amazingly it didn't cause damage until the stew he brought on the next to last day leaked out and shorted not just his machine but the entire floor of the building. What frightens me most is that he was genuinely shocked that we were shouting at him about it.
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* Me: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet. Any problems there?"
* Tech Support: "What lights on your modem are on?"
* Me: "'Power' and 'Network'."
* Tech Support: "Okthen, it's something with your system. Do you use Netscape?"
* Me: "My Linux server doesn't get a temporary IP address, and there's no PPP0 connection."
* Tech Support: "We only support Netscape."
* Me: "A web browser wouldn't work. I can't even do a ping to you or somewhere else outside my network."
* Tech Support: "A ping? Are you sure you use Netscape? We only support Netscape."
* Me: "As a matter of fact, my Windows 98 machine runs Internet Explorer, but it always worked fine. I really think something else is wrong. A ping is a signal send to see how the connection between two machines is. I can't seem to get a connection between you and me."
* Tech Support: "You really should install Netscape. It's on the install disk which came with your modem."
* Me: "Ok, never mind."
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It's a sad commentary on the state of my college's computer science program when the most qualified instructor doesn't know much about what he's attempting to teach. While the coding methods he taught were correct, other things (such as commenting) were not. His preferred method of commenting code was verbose and wound up confusing even the writer if the program was longer than 10 lines. He insisted, for example, on a minimum of three lines of comments per single line of code.
Our textbook had numerous glaring errors, many of which I could demonstrate irrefutably, but he insisted that the text was the final arbiter on exam questions, so my correct answers were viewed as wrong and since "the textbook authors must know what they're talking about!"
Our IT department, in their infinite wisdom, decided one day to lock everyone out of a certain program through the GUI; they neglected to lock the DOS prompt, so if one knew how to access it thorugh the command line, it could still be used. I tried doing that, and he saw me and accused me of "hacking the network."
But the most ridiculous story was when I was playing around with a Knoppix CD during a break. Knoppix is a Linux distribution designed to be booted directly from a CD rather than installed on a hard drive. It allows you to use Linux without disrupting the operating system that's been installed on the machine.
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* Friend: "I hate IBM. Go with Apple because Windows sucks."
* Me: "What about Linux? Or FreeBSD or another alternate OS?"
* Friend: "They don't exist."
* Me: "Try www.linux.org."
* Friend: "You made them up."
My instructor saw me and said, "What are you doing? That's not Windows! That's a VIRUS, isn't it? I'm going to report you for malicious use of school computers!" My advisor, who is a Linux proponent and also the sysadmin at the time, apparently laughed him out of his office when he went to complain.
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* Me: "I was thinking of installing Linux, but I was wondering if you knew if the modem works under Linux."
* Tech Support: "Oh, I'm sorry, we only support Windows."
* Me: "I know. I was just wondering if you knew if it was possible."
* Tech Support: "But we only support Windows."
* Me: "I know, but just to save me some time, have you heard of anyone that got Linux to work with the modem?"
* Tech Support: (getting annoyed) "Why can't you just use Netscape?"
* Me: "Uh, wha? It's not a browser, it's a--never mind. Thanks for your help."
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* Me: "I'm having problems connecting to sites outside the University."
* Tech Support: "What operating system are you using?"
* Me: "The latest version of Linux."
* Tech Support: "What programs are you currently running?"
* Me: "Nothing much -- ftp, telnet, X, Netscape, sendmail..."
* Tech Support: "It's not our fault you can't connect anywhere if you're running sendmail. You have to get mail centrally."
* Me: "But sendmail has nothing to do with ftp access, web access, or anything else."
* Tech Support: "It's not our problem."
Three months later, it was announced on the University web site that there was an "untraced fault" on the network, and everyone had to reduce the MTU on their computers to 1498. A few talks with various technicians revealed that this had been known and repeatedly reported by a great many people, who had received just as unfriendly a response as I had, over those 3 months. The official story was that the technicians were waiting to see if the problem would clear up on its own. It took another six months of complaints before they finally got someone in to fix the router.
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I had a problem with using my PPP connection through Linux. The data transfers were really slow sometimes but fine at others. I played with it for a while, then finally called the help desk. I was on hold for twenty minutes, then:
* Tech Support: "Hi. How can I help you?"
* Me: "Hi. I'm trying to hook up my Linux box via PPP, and I'm running into some problems. It works fine under 95, but I can't seem to get it to connect right under Linux. I can resolve hostnames and even --"
* Tech Support: "Um, sir -- what kind of computer is it?"
* Me: "IBM compatible. Specifically, an Ambra."
* Tech Support: "Ok -- what happens when you try running Trumpet Winsock?"
I slap my forehead.
* Me: "This is Linux. It doesn't run Trumpet Winsock."
* Tech Support: "Oh - it's a DOS program?"
* Me: "No. It's an operating system. Trumpet runs fine under 95."
* Tech Support: "Well, have you tried running this program under Windows 95 then?"
* Me: "No, it is an operating system. It doesn't run under another operating system."
* Tech Support: "Oh. Ok, so what happens when you try to run Winsock under it?"
Murderous thoughts are going through my head. After a couple more exchanges back and forth, she finally understands that Winsock won't run on Linux for some weird reason.
* Me: "So can I get an incident number so I can talk to a tech?"
* Tech Support: "Sure. I just need to get some info from you."
She gets down my name, room number, phone number, computer type and brand, then we get interesting again.
* Tech Support: "Ok, so is this under Windows 3.1 or Windows 95?"
* Me: "Neither. It's Linux."
* Tech Support: "Which type of Windows does it run under though?"
* Me: "Neither! It runs on its own!"
* Tech Support: "Oh!!! Oh! I'm sorry, in that case we can't help you. We only support Windows 3.1 and Windows 95."
* Me: "WHAT?!?"
* Tech Support: "Sorry. That's all we're currently supporting. Have a nice day." [click]
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* Me: "The ethernet card you supplied doesn't work under Linux."
* Tech Support: "Have you installed the DOS drivers?"
* Me: "I'm using Linux, so the DOS drivers won't work."
* Tech Support: "Why not?"
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There's this quite major company called Time Computers over here in England. I bought a system from them, and then five months later I hear a "Pfoo!" noise, and my display went all fuzzy and strange. After some troubleshooting, I opened up the case and discovered that the video card had a little, remarkably Wile E. Coyote-esque soot explosion mark centered around a burnt chip in the middle of it.
Here's the conversation I had with tech support about it, with a lot cut out:
* Tech Suppport: "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
* Me: "Well, my screens all fuzzy, and my video card seems to have exploded."
* Tech Support: "Well, right click on the desktop."
* Me: "Before you say anything, I've tried the monitor on another computer, and on this computer on Windows 98, 2000, Linux, and BeOS, and it's definitely something wrong with the video card, because the monitor worked on the other computers, and it didn't work in any of the operating systems in this one, and when I tried another video card, it worked."
* Tech Support: "Right click on the desktop."
* Me: "..."
* Tech Support: "Right click on the desktop."
* Me: "Well, I'm in Linux right now."
* Tech Support: "Right click on the desktop."
* Me: "I'm not in Windows."
* Tech Support: "Right click on the desktop."
* Me: "Do you know what an operating system is?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
* Me: "Ok then, because, I'm not in Windows. I'm in Linux, which is another operating system. Right clicking on the desktop won't do anything you think it will, I promise. Do you want me to reboot into Windows?"
* Tech Support: "Right click on the desktop please, sir."
I sighed, gave up, rebooted into Windows, and right clicked on the desktop.
* Me: "Do you want me to click on 'Properties'?"
* Tech Support: "No sir, please click on 'Properties'."
* Me: "..."
After a while, "we" determined that, no, it isn't my resolution, and installing new drivers won't help. After a very long discussion, I learned that to replace my video card, they would "have to" (or so policy dictates) take the entire computer away (monitor and all) for 5-7 business days to replace the faulty video card. I protested this, because the computer was being used in a business. They told me there was "nothing they could do." This seemed bad enough, but then:
* Tech Support: "Have you backed up recently?"
* Me: "No, why?"
* Tech Support: "You should..."
* Me: "Sure, ok, I'll remember."
* Tech Support: "...because as part of our policy, when servicing a computer, we delete everything on the hard disk."
* Me: "What the $%* *%(@ $%? WHY???"
* Tech Support: "Company policy."
* Me: "But it's a broken video card! Even you admit that!!! It has nothing to do with the hard drive!"
* Tech Support: "That's company policy, sir."
After about an hour of arguing, we didn't get anywhere. I am living with the video card up to this day, months later, and was not refunded in anyway.
Turns out to be rather more tragic than funny, actually.
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I'm a Linux user, and I prefer keeping Javascript turned off in my browsers. Up until December 1999 or so, I did not need it for using Hotmail, but then that changed. So I sent them an email to ask why:
Why is it mandatory to use Javascript now? It was not necessary until recently (a couple months).
-F
The response I got was this (I swear this is verbatim):
Thank you for writing to MSN Hotmail.
This feature is mandatory since some sites require Javascript in order for the computer to read their codes. You cannot browse a site unless the Javascript is disabled.
For further information, contact the Help Support of the browser you are using.
We hope that this email has provided you with the assistance you needed.
Sincerely,
MSN Hotmail Customer Support
...Which confused the heck out of me! It not only doesn't make any sense, but it's not about the question I was asking. So I mailed them again:
Thank you very much for this information.
> This feature is mandatory since some sites require Javascript
> in order for the computer to read their codes. You cannot
> browse a site unless the Javascript is disabled.
But as you can see, it is insulting and makes no sense. First of all, "You cannot browse a site unless the Javascript is disabled" is erroneous. Never mind, I do not have time to flame you. Allow me to clarify my question; I do not think you understood it and would like at least a level three technician please:
Since I have used Hotmail, it has used cookies, but when I first used Hotmail I did not have to turn my browser's Javascript on. Now I do. Please tell me why. I do not like having Java and Javascript enabled (in fact I would prefer to use Lynx, a text-based browser under Unix).
Thank you.
-F
Ok, so it was a little harsh, but at least I thought they would answer the right question and/or refer it to Level III. Here's what I got:
Thank you for writing to MSN Hotmail.
MSN Hotmail also requires your Javascript feature to be enabled so that you can access your account more effectively. In order to enable your Javascript settings, kindly go to your Tools menu, Internet Options, Advanced Tab folder. From there, check and enable the Javascript settings in your PC. Please be guided accordingly.
Sincerely,
MSN Hotmail Customer Support
Internet Options? Tools menu? I'm using Netscape!
I gave up writing to them. I gave up my Hotmail account.
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The other day I walked into this little place that sells old software, old computers, and some new software. I walked up to a sales clerk and said, "Do you guys carry Linux?" He took one look at me (I am 15 years old) and, not knowing what Linux was, he checked the rack with games. I said, "No, Linux is not a game -- it's an operating system."
He looked confused, then stuttered, "Uhhh...yeah...well check that rack, we've got stuff like Quicken there."
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One day I received a catalogue from a mail order company. I tried to find Linux. It took me a while. It was in the games section.
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A friend of mine was recently typing up his resume and listing his experience with different operating systems. When the Word spelling/grammar checker came across "Windows ME and Linux," it was quick to suggest that "Windows, Linux, and I" would be more appropriate.
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