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A friend gave me a link to another forum, anyway i searched through it, and found this which brightened up my day and thought i'd share the laugh
Having a bad day!
Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know.
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had
transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're
an [as*hole]!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word as*hole, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an as*hole!"
It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID.
This was a real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the as*hole.
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his voice, "Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller ID program?"
"No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an as*hole
The next day an old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to
move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great", I thought, "she's finally leaving."
All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I
was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as if I didn't even exist. I thought to myself, "This guy's another as*hole
there sure are a lot of assholes in this world."
Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car.
I wrote down the phone number. Then, I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an as*hole! (It's really easy since I have his number
on speed dial now.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings, someone answered the phone
and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time
to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Sure..." "Don, you're an as*hole! And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now, when I had a problem I had two
assholes to call.
Then, after several months of calling the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came
up with this solution:
First, I had my phone speed dial [censored] #1. A man answered nicely, "Hello?" I yelled, "You're an as*hole but I didn't hang up. The as*hole said, "Are you still there?" I
said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "Make me" as*hole! He said, "What's your name, pal?" So I told him, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you live?" "1802
West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, as*hole!" and I hung up.
Then I called as*hole #2.
Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, as*hole
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, as*hole And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as I got there.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of each other
in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Now you know what to do if you have a really bad day
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US warship
and the Irish Navy off the coast of Kerry. Radio conversation released by
the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95:
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
US: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a
IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
South to avoid a collision.
US: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
IRISH: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US ENTERPRISE THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE US ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.