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Old 07-02-2003, 04:20 AM   #1
nakkaya
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Real Programmers Real People Real CS Students


i was reading a book here is a funny part

Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications programmers.

Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you
throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in "only a few"
30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Programmers are around at
9 a.m., it's because they were up all night.

Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read
the listings or the object deck.

Real Programmers don't write in Pascal, or BLISS, or Ada, or any of those
pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't
decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.

Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and
crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.

Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for
scratch space after they are finished calling them?

Real Software Engineers don't debug programs; they verify correctness.
This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a
computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real Software Engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and
greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment.
They have a great distrust of hardware people and wish that systems could
be virtual at all levels. They would like personal computers (you know no
one's going to trip over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except
that they need 8 megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.

Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine ? but they're never afraid to break your face.

Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.

Real Users hate Real Programmers.

Real Programmers don't hate Real Users. Real Programmers merely consider Real Users totally irrelevant.

Real Users know your home telephone number.

Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.

Real Users never use the Help key.

Real Computer Scientists admire ADA for its overwhelming aesthetic value, but they find it difficult to actually program in it, as it is much too large to implement. Most computer scientists don't notice this because they are still arguing over what else to add to ADA.

Real Computer Scientists despise the idea of actual hardware. Hardware has limitations; software doesn't. It's a real shame that Turing machines are so poor at I/O.

Real Computer Scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.

Real Computer Scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.

Real Computer Scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with "programming systems," but those are so high level that they hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).

Real Computer Scientists only write specs for languages that might run on future hardware. Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens will ever be able to fit on a single planet.

Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained. Those people wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.

Real Programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.

Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much good it did them.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is okay, and Real Programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.

Real Programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Real Programmers don't write application programs; they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.

Real Programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, Real Programmers don't know how to SPELL quiche. They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
 
Old 07-02-2003, 04:58 AM   #2
breakerfall
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That's hilarious!!!!


originally posted by nakkaya
Quote:
Real Computer Scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
and

Quote:
Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained. Those people wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.
and HA HA

Quote:
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
where did you find this list!?
 
Old 07-02-2003, 05:07 AM   #3
aizkorri
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Re: Real Programmers Real People Real CS Students

Quote:
Originally posted by nakkaya

Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
very funny.

In fact I was one of those before learning to program something.

I was the best freezing windows. Open ms-word, close while opening, meanwhile, open IE, then open a wav file with acrobat reader,-- frozen. I did it!
 
Old 07-02-2003, 09:44 AM   #4
nakkaya
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Original Poster
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Quote:
Originally posted by breakerfall
where did you find this list!?
i was reading a book in the university it is called how not to programme in c 111 ways . there some code examples and things like this one realy fun to read i recommend it.
 
Old 07-02-2003, 10:55 AM   #5
bigjohn
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Well done Nakkaya.

That was excellent.

regards

John
 
Old 07-04-2003, 03:46 PM   #6
titanium_geek
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[b]Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty[b].

it's so true... that was me..

titanium_geek
 
  


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