Problems with English? Questions? Vocabulary, grammar... Post here :)
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Thanks, catkin. You're right about the phrase being too complex. I wrote it like that because it was meant for a formal e-mail sent to a university (I used the second form). Didn't want to sound too dry or informal, but I think your phrase is better. (I have to get familiar with formal English and its differences with informal English).
A useful test is to ask whether the text is intended to impress the reader with the writer's sophistication or to communicate clearly.
EDIT: for a "formal" text: proper language, due respect and cross-references are required while they would not be in a text to a friend. By "cross-references" I mean the text should have a subject and should quote the reference number and date of any prior communication, the sender's reference number (examples: payroll number, policy number ...).
In "Since he is 21 he has a right to vote", "Since" is a preposition and, as a preposition, can mean two distinct things: a) "continuously from or starting from the time when" or b) "because". Hence it is ambiguous and best changed to something which is not ambiguous such as "From the time he turned 21 he had a right to vote" or "Because he is 21 he has a right to vote. It might be more natural to say "the right to vote" but that is arguable.
"But not in another country he has" is not English word-ordering. For simplicity the idea could be tagged on to the end of the previous sentence by changing "a right to vote" to "a right to vote in this country".